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Date Posted: 18:21:54 01/17/06 Tue
Author: Leo
Subject: delayed reaction
so it finally hit me. no more familiar cc forum walls to wander through at my leisure, no more heading to pm's before emails, deciding which posts to read first, or anxiously awaiting responses to certain threads (most of which could be predicted for some members), no more heading to the forum to post some great music news, or book/movie links. or even personal achievements and/or rants, and on the flipside being able to read all of yours.
weird
i'm always reflecting, so i'm glad i have a ton of forum memories to reflect on. this weekend i was cleaning out a drawer in my nightstand and found a card jes had sent me for my birthday in 2001! (remember the medieval bunnies?)it seems wherever i go or whatever i do, a forum connection is with me.
at this point my real life social life revolves a lot around people i've met from the forum. 6 years of laughter, and a hell of a lot of tears too. i've made friends for life, lost friends, figured out who to stay away from, learned a lot about myself and others, not to mention being exposed to things i may never have stumbled upon on my own. i have grown immensely.
as you all know, my personal life has done a complete 360 from where i was back in 99. i found other cards and letters in that drawer this weekend too, that held blatant signs about my relationship that i was blind to then. no wonder i would rather spend time on the forum. i wonder how much worse things would have been if i didn't have the forum and my friends as a release in the last few years.
i didn't spend as much time there in the past year or so, but it was nice knowing the forum was there to fall back on.
and last but not least, i'm glad i have this place to post this on, because i wouldn't put it anywhere else.
so maybe this is my farewell thank you to the cc forum and all those i hold dear from it. (not that i'm leaving but i like to mark the change)
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Re: delayed reaction -- taurusgirl, 18:59:23 01/17/06 Tue [1]
>You know that saying "you don't know what you had until it's gone" well you don't have to say that about the forum, Leo. You know what you had, corny I know, but how many things can we say that about.
Anyway thanks, for reflecting ,that's too much, really B-day cards and all. There's something great about communicating and for people to do that on a regular basis with people we will never meet, Amazing!
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Re: delayed reaction -- chrys, 21:11:07 01/17/06 Tue [1]
wow, that sort of strikes me teh same way that caren's list did on AS.
funny, i FINALLY get the internet at home, and the forum is gone. i am not anticipating the change with as much enthusiasm as most. i feel i'm being grumpy and whiny, but i loved that forum the way it was. if it ain't broke, don't fix it, isn't that what they say?
preaching is playing on my iTunes...(and then sunshower, then when i'm down)
yes the cc forum holds so many memories, it's like an era really. my life never would have been the same without that place. i really credit it and the people there with inspiring me to even consider traveling or changing schools when i was a little college freshman in MD. some forum people and i almost flew to TX to see CC in austin during the EM tour. things didn't work out at the last minute, but by then i knew i could hve and would have, and knew how to look up plane tickets. just that knowledge was enough to initiate a huge change.
and from school in arizona, i took trips to LA to see stilly and others, went to a jeff tribute with blue in chicago, and saw chrisless and her family the next day, went to portland and seattle and was a stowaway in elili's house for a week, wen tto a concert in phoenix with thethinker, taraveled to organic farms (before the forum i didn't know what the word organic meant, in that context), stopped in southern OR for lastingone, and eventually moved out to seattle on my own, and lived w/a forum member there for four months.
that's not to mention all the meetings at shows, all the hanging out in lines, or that day way back when at tumulty's in new brunswick during the EM tour. and that's not to mention all the cards and letters and whatnot. i have it all saved in a forum book, save for a few things from a few people, i have all of it.
but so much of it isn't even the tangible stuff, it's the memories, just the daily interactions, the dream interpretations, the reccommendatiosn of books, music, movies, the discussions about elections and wars and terrorists, the debates, the drama, the fights, the support. on my way to seattle, on the greyhound bus, i was thinking about how as a teenager i felt this horrible chasm inside, this loneliness that felt like a bottoomless pit, cuz i really didn't have anyone to relate to, and i thought on that bus ride, i don't feel that way anymore, and a lot of it was b/c of the great friends i have met at the cc forum, and you know, that's a pretty big deal.
that place will always live on in memorty. i will never forget. after all, that forum recently indirectly helped me lose my virginity, lol.
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Re: delayed reaction -- taurusgirl, 08:04:20 01/18/06 Wed [1]
>>that place will always live on in memorty. i will
>never forget. after all, that forum recently
>indirectly helped me lose my virginity, lol.
I can only imagine lotus afterward lying there smoking a cigarette (if you smoke) thinking, Oh wait till I tell the forum about this. LOL
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Re: delayed reaction -- Leo, 08:16:18 01/18/06 Wed [1]
Lol, I can picure that too!
I have a box of forum memories too, but most of them are in my head. Too many amazing experiences.
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Re: delayed reaction -- lump, 09:31:00 01/18/06 Wed [1]
I know how ya'll feel. I was ready to walk away...or so I thought. But here I am reading everything anyway.
The forum showed me that I wasn't alone at a time I thought I was. I still know, from the forum, that no matter what I'm feeling - I'm definately not alone. I wrote a drunken rant last Friday - and even there, drunk thanks to Hot Damn, I noted that I knew I wasn't alone in feeling the way I do.
It also told me that people aren't as evil as they can seem. It used to always be me v. them. But then through the forum I realized that even people I don't like or can't bond with have something in common with me. And that under all our exteriors, we're human and we all feel (except a few). With this awakening, I'm able to step outside my own feelings and try to walk in the opposing persons shoes.
I also enjoyed, and often took advantage of, spitting out things I needed to talk about or through and getting heartfelt feedback from people who shouldn't care! Sometimes you can't talk to your close friends and family without them immediately taking your defense. Through our forum, I was able to receive well rounded advice and help - without the judgement, too.
It's been wonderful, and I love ya'll. :)
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Re: delayed reaction -- chrys, 14:07:07 01/18/06 Wed [1]
yeah, ditto to what lump said.
lol @ taurus, no i don't smoke (cigarettes anyway), and i don't think that thought crossed my mind till the next day or so, lol.
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Re: delayed reaction -- lakemnitz, 20:11:22 01/18/06 Wed [1]
>I have to agree with you all even though I have not been around as long as most. Since I have been a part of the forum I have:
Changed Jobs
Left My Hushand
Started accepting myself for who I am
I too figured out that I am not alone in some of my weirdness; and people here have accepted me for me and they don't even know me. I've had online tarot readings, phone readings, went to a show with a fellow member (AS), emailed and phoned others...and supported others causes. What a great fucking experience this place has been for me.
I have gotten to know new bands, new ideas, new books, changed views and attitudes.....I miss my home.
>yeah, ditto to what lump said.
>
>lol @ taurus, no i don't smoke (cigarettes anyway),
>and i don't think that thought crossed my mind till
>the next day or so, lol.
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Re: delayed reaction -- Robert, 18:13:09 01/26/06 Thu [1]
It was bittersweet for me. A lot of good...a lot of great actually, came out of that place. There was also a lot of times that I should have kept my mouth shut, or managed my life a lot more privately. I'm as blessed to have stumbled into the place on a hunch back in 1999, as I am embarrassed by some of the things that happened there.
hopefuly, new forum means new lease on life. We've all been though a lot over the years. I was thinking the other day that I talk to some of you more than I talk to my own family. I guess in a way, we're all a big extended family.
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