Dirty, but fun reading on a Tuesday -- Unofficial Chris Cornell Forum

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Date Posted: 09:21:20 04/18/06 Tue
Author: Jes
Subject: Dirty, but fun reading on a Tuesday

www.agonys.com

You have WHAT stuck?
Weird things stuck in an ass!

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People generally seeking anal gratification or weird, bizzare accidents? Can you imagine the embarrassment at having to arrive in casualty or at your doctors and tried to explain these sorts of things stuck in your bottom!
Magazines, such as The Church Times, have been retrieved from the anus. These were not found in the three people who had flashlights found in them, so apparently no one stuck the flashlights up there so they could read these magazines.

A microwave egg boiler, inserted by a man attempting to relieve his intractable constipation.

A light bulb, which the embarrassed unfortunate said he inserted while drunk. (It took suction-cup darts, mineral oil, and three catheters with inflated balloons in order to remove it.)

More? How about...

A shaving cream can
A frozen fish (with the dorsal fin extended).
A bottle of Mrs. Butterworth's Syrup.
A pair of reading glasses.
A salami.
A curling iron.
A Baseball
A frozen pig's tail.
A kangaroo tumor.
A whip handle.

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In Munich, when a man collapsed, his phone somehow ended up in him, supposedly causing the redial button to become activated.

When his wife answered the call, she became worried because she heard inexplicable gurgling sounds. She called the police, who investigated, and were no doubt shocked to learn that this time they had a real asshole on the phone!

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A "Darwin winner"�the Darwin Award is jocularly given to people who have removed themselves from the gene pool in a spectacular way�a Georgia attorney was showering with his cell phone.

He allegedly slipped on a tile, tripped against his dog, and sat on his cell phone. The cover somehow opened, activating the phone, or so he said.

Also in the hard-to-believe department, the phone supposedly rang three times during the lengthy surgical procedure undertaken to remove the phone. The doctors claimed that they were hysterical each time it happened. And perhaps also a bit disappointed that they hadn't found an answering machine up there as well.

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Another Darwin winner, this one in Thailand, was reported by the Japan Times. It seems a horny thirteen-year-old was literally full of hot air after practicing a dangerous but popular masturba-tory technique called pumping.

The boy was in the habit of inserting a bicycle pump up his ass so the air would give him a strong though ephemeral high. But this time, this jerk used compressed air at a gas station.

When he exploded, "one woman thought she was watching a twilight fireworks display and started clapping," according to the newspaper report reprinted in "This Is True."

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Military supplies such as shells have also been found in the rear. For example, one man lost a bullet up his ass when he used the shell to insert the suppository.

But the most bizarre case in this area concerned an old World War II veteran who had such bad hemorrhoids that they would get stuck in the seam of his underpants.

To get them out of the way, he often pushed one particularly troublesome and protuberant hemorrhoid back up with the artillery shell from an antiaircraft gun.

On one occasion, however, the shell got stuck, necessitating a visit to a surgical unit. The doctors were about to remove it when one of them casually asked, "It is spent, isn't it?"

"Oh, no!" said the man. "There's enough ammo in that shell to blast a Messerschmidt out of the sky."

They had to call in an army bomb squad � a "boob squad" would have been more appropriate for him � who then carefully built a lead box around his anus and defused the shell in situ before removing it

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[> Re: Dirty, but fun reading on a Tuesday -- lite, 13:12:21 04/18/06 Tue [1]

Thanks for the helpful and informative article.

so, uh... where can I get a hold of a kangaroo tumor? you know... for research purposes...

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[> Re: Dirty, but fun reading on a Tuesday -- Jes, 13:41:29 04/18/06 Tue [1]

You got me!?! Wouldn't a kangaroo tumor look just like a human's tumor? I've heard stories of things like peanut butter jars and open bottles pulling out intestines, but the tumor is a new one. People are awful weird when you leave them alone.

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