Re: love gone wrong -- Unofficial Chris Cornell Forum

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Date Posted: 12:52:32 03/01/06 Wed
Author: 23
Subject: Re: love gone wrong
In reply to: chrys 's message, "love gone wrong" on 20:33:01 02/28/06 Tue

"lol i don't know what my problem is it's like part of me is disgusted w/myself for getting that way, but who can ever help these things???"

Why are you disgusted with yourself for falling in love? Do you see that as a weakness in yourself or something? I think it's a strength. Guarding yourself from reality by denying your feelings is weakness. Opening up to them and being who you really are is strength. How is it a bad thing to be someone who loves others easily? If only the rest of the world had that same problem, Chrys, I think we would all be much better off.

I think you and I are a lot alike in this way. Rachel and I told eachother we loved eachother just a month or so into our romantic relationship (we were friends for awhile before that). It was terrifying to say it for fear that it wouldn't be reciprocated, but I would hate to think where I would be right now had I walked away based on that fear.

Embrace your feelings. And like I said, if you get rejected or this turns sour, you'll get over it and eventually be a better person for it down the line. And if nothing else, you'll have plenty of stuff to write about....
:)

What you should do now? I'm not sure, but I'll tell you what I would do. I would take a nice walk over to his place, thinking about exactly what I want to say to him on the way there. Try to gauge how important all of this is to you, and figure out how much of yourself you're willing to put on the line to try to fix this relationship. Then tell him how you feel. I can only guesstimate where he's coming from based on what you've written here, but unless he's already mentally moved on, I think he will only be happy to hear what you have to say.

Whatever you choose to do, I wish you luck.

And lastly, don't beat yourself up over any of this, regardless of how it turns out. There are no guide books telling us how to love and interact with one another. We're all flying by the seat of our pants, gleaning whatever bits and pieces of information we can from various sources around us. Some of us have built-in handicaps based on the relationships we grew up around and it takes some time and effort to move past those patterns.

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[> Re: love gone wrong -- chrys, 13:51:10 03/01/06 Wed [1]

yeah i already have plenty to write about, that's for sure : )

also i think you are right actually, maybe i will go over there though i would feel extremely odd about going over anyone's house uninvited. i'd probably call first, or something. it's definitely important, i spent ALL of yesterday crying, lol, partly why it took me so long to post anything on this thread.

also from just hanging out with him, i know he is also pretty insecure. there was one time we were messing around and i said something and he thought i was making fun of him! i would NEVER do that, never, cuz i don't care who you are or what the other person means to you, if you're that intimate w/someone you're vulnerable and that just seems so wrong. anyway i was like, no i'm not. my point is that i know he is sometimes insecure, takes things personally when they're not meant to be, i have seen it a bunch of times. shit, come to think of it, that was the last night we did it. i think it's important for me to also actually tell him that he was my first - i mean it's got to be pretty confusing cuz first i didn't want to do it and then i waited a whole long while and then i did want to, and etc etc, i mean it could be pretty confusing for the other person.

also when i read what you said about yourself and R, about how you said stuff early on and were scared, i'm just thinking (putting myself in someone else's shoes for once instead of just living in my own fear) like what it must have felt like on his end, to have said certain things and not have them returned. i mean if it was me i would have been devastated...and cried and slapped people, lol. and yeah lump, i hear ya on that, i felt the same way like i did it before i knew i had even decided to slap him. and i don't really think he had it coming either (though it sounds like yours did), he was so freaking calm (and he was drunk too) the whole time i was raving mad, lol.

anyway i am sorta writing out right now what i want to say. i am sooo bad at talking, i may even have to actually read it out loud to him or something, how retarded is that? if he's mentally moved on, well then there's nothing i can do except clear the air. if he hasn't, maybe there is some chance. of course i am still hoping, i reeeeeally like this guy so much, much as i tried not to!

yes i feel like falling in love easy makes me weak, or means i get too attached too fast, or i'm not being realistic, i don't know. guess though if thats the way i am, then it is.

twan, you should quit your day job and be the next dr. phil, but cooler.

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