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Date Posted: 18:16:28 04/25/01 Wed
Author: Anonymous
Subject: i don't know what i want to say

i hurt i'm ashamed i am confused. i need. all i know is this: in a life that was cold and empty and didn't see any point in its continuing, you brought comraderie, sunlight, love and hope. it meant the world to me. you meant the world to me. you stll do. just knowing you cared or believing you did got me through days when i wanted only to lie down and die. i was happier. people smiled at me because i was open to them. because i believed that if you were in touch with me i was worth something, and somehow that was all the shield i needed to stop the cold coming in. you were my warmth.

i have cried today more than there is water because i have come to see that you don't care overly much. that you initially had right intentions for being in touch but you didn't want it to continue. the retreat whet your curiousity so you came back to see if i was any different but nothing had really changed so you want to leave again because you don't love me, you barely even like me. and when i'm talking to you i feel whole. my whole life has been this way. lopsided. it hurts so much to be rejected. esp. by someone who means the world and stars and sun. i just wish i could stop crying. everything is shit including me and everything is wrong. i forget that just because people are kind to you it doesn't mean they like you let alone love you.

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