| Subject: A new journal |
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Cricket
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Date Posted: 13:36:34 02/04/07 Sun
It has been long since I have written anything down. My old journal lost in the fire at Rum Hill. Even that, so recent, seems ages ago now.
Trevors father came for him..and I the puppet, always so ready to do what was destined, would have given him over.
My husband came to me at Rum Hill. I had gone there looking for Khaless. Trevor was by that time, nearing adulthood, but still away at the Mage school on the Eastern coast. We were preparing to travel there when Hell found my husband. That fight seemed so ethereal, even now, it rests in my memory like a vivid play. Perhaps my human mind simply keeps it that way for comforts sake. It is difficult for me to remember the way Hells mouth yawned open for me..
That all aside. Rum Hill was lost. The entire land went up in flame and smoke, and I believe we were lucky to have escaped alive. Hell had much more dangerous things in store for him though, for the fight to get to our son continued and I cannot speak of the horrors of the Balrogs that my husband slew.
After that battle, things were shown to me..things I wish now I never knew about my husband..and about the terrible legacy he had given our son. I acted then, as I should have done when my son was born. It was in my head then, clear and bright as the sun, that the only freedom my son would have, would be in death. My husband however, must have realized my mind, for he got to the school ahead of me.
I will never see my son again, and his purpose and destiny will be fulfilled as the Gods see it fit. His eyes will see naught but blood, and his heart be murderously black..but I pray..I wish..I hope..that the comforts and the lessons he learned as a young boy..the love that Indigo gave him and the lessons he learned from so many places, stay with him, and lend him a sense of humanity he might not otherwise ever see. Perhaps this is a foolish wish, for such things could never help him in the path that is his..but still I wish. Althought I know that what I see will not warm me..I always seek him out..always watch for that the red horse.
My pregnancy now comes with mixed feelings, and I am, I am sure, pregnant. Part of me rejoices,for in a way it feels as if I have my son back..but part of me cries, for it seems that once again, fate simply uses my womb as a way to further its own means, and in the end, this child too, will be torn from my arms. Perhaps that is my punishment, I do not know. Yet here I deter from the story.
When I realized that my son was gone for good, I returned to the Burning Lands for awhile. I stayed with Rose and her husband and their child, until I felt the need to move on.
Damian still held ownership of the Den at that time, or so I thought. When I returned to the old realms, it was to find that Damian was gone, and Creighton had closed the Den up for Gods knew what. He kept himself in seclusion, well protected, and rumnbles were throught the merchants quarter as to the fall of the Den and its ties. Few seemed to know what went on there now. I decided to find out, and made a mistake that, in my youth, would have gotten me clouted against the head. I remember Mantis backhanding me once, because I had forgotten my gloves. It was the last time I did until that day. I made a foolish mistake in getting into the Den, and touched a lock barehanded. It was not that I had underestimated Creightons security measures..but simply a stupid mistake that I blamed on getting old. When I finally did get into the Den, it was to find a dozen men with bolts pointed in my direction, and an unhappy Creighton. He seemed quite smug in spite of it though, for he knew I could do nothing there any longer. He also knew something I did not, and that was that I was going to suffer for a long time. I left the Den..and I think it was even with ideas of getting it back, and hanging Creighton from the nearest tree, but a few days later, I was realizing, he had won this one. The lock I had touched, had been sealed with arcane magic, and I suffered long because I had touched it without my gloves. Perhaps the gloves would not have made a difference, but by then, it was a moot point. The curses purpose, was to make one suffer, but I know that had I suffered much longer, I would have sought death as a release. I returned to the Roost, with all its ghots and hauntings. It was shut up by then, and I stayed there, progressively rotting each and every day. The smell was the worst, and then the pain. I had nearly lost my mind by the time Khaless showed up. Im still not sure how much time it was that I spent there at the Roost..six months at least, for the seasons had changed.
When Khaless came, it was with his healing hands, and I thought that when he knew the boy was gone, he would hate me even more. He took the curse from me..drew it into himself, and with it all my madness. It was the only way he could remove it he said..and I hurt to see him then suffer as I had for so long. He healed though..or would, though it would take time. While he had taken the physical ailments of the curse..he could not remove it completely, and I knew not what would become of either one of us. I had by then, aged so much, I began to rely more and more on the cane, and my joints hurt all the time. Everything snapped and crackled when I moved, and sleep was something that only came in spans of minutes. I wearied of life, and without my son, there seemed only days of progressively aging before me.
When R'Auco showed up at the Roost,even he saw that the years and time were taking its toll. A little red-headed thief had tried to break in..Khaless had caught her, and I would have let him kill her, had I not seen an opportunity to use her to get back the Den. She needed work, I needed her skills. It was quite a surprise to learn she had already had an encounter with R'Auco, and he to show up at the most inopportune time ...well, without details, it was an interesting day. I was to find, that days to come would be even more so.
It seemed to bother R'Auco..my aging, and perhaps that I could understand. He wished to help me, to rid me of the remainder of the curse..to share his gift of Gaia with me.
How could one say no to that. I could not.
So..I set the red headed Spade on to Creighton, to learn what she could while I took this sabbatical with R'Auco, and with the Beast I flew for days. When he set me down, it would be near the most ancient henge I have ever seen before or since.
I will not speak of what happened in that henge. It seems wrong to do so. It was a moment that I shall keep private to myself for all time..but when I came out of it, I was as I am now. My silver hair is gone..not a strand of it remains and it is once again thick and black. My skin is pliant, as if the sun had never wrinkled the corners of my mouth or eyes. I have muscle again, and stamina..I have strength and ambition. I am not tired all the time, and for the first time in so many years, I seem to be able to sleep, and I do not wake from the pain. I am..younger, in body at any rate. ..and because that henge held Saben within it, I am with child.
It will be a son. That I know, for his kind produce no females. I feel it will be much the same as it was with Trevor..that I will keep this child, and raise him, and give to him all I can..and someday his father will be back to get him, to take him and teach him of what he really is.
I do not know how I will feel when that day comes around. To be honest, I do not know how I feel now.
As for Saben..he remained in the henge. R'Aucos wings flew me back to the Roost..and I was to receive yet another shock. It was smoldering when we returned..a huge pile of blackened ash and timber, and when R'Auco left me there..I stared for what seemed hours. I knew it had been Khaless, though there was no proof of it. It could have easily have been CReighton, but my heart knew, it had been Khaless. I had left him, and he had snapped. I have not seen my Drow since.
I went to town then, and learned enough about Spades doings to know that she was more than capable of running the Den. After what had happened in the henge, the Den did not seem very important anymore. I left the realms then..rode hard until I reached the Burning Lands. It was there, that I would learn of some things that set me upon the path I am on now.
I will write more of how I came to be here, on a snowy mountain pass in a strange land with a friend I have not seen in a quarter of a century, with a foreign Princess in tow, when I can once feel my hands again. It is cold.
~C~
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