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Date Posted: 13:01:23 10/17/07 Wed
Author: Elaine
Subject: While I don't know the circumstances, I think what you're experiencing is actually more difficult than a loss from death, susiej. I think women in particular keep plugging along despite the stress, then somewhere down the road it overcomes us. It probably happens to men, too but (at least anecdotally) it doesn't seem as common with them. In Robin's case, I think the manner of his loss was far worse than if his sister had just been found dead somewhere many years before. It's like a knife that keeps pricking at us for years and years, eventually becoming a fatal wound.
In reply to: susiej 's message, "#3. Yes, Robin's story was so sad. I don't see how he could have turned out to be anything but messed up with that history and parentage. #4. I tend to be a very controlled person and am able to box up my emotions for the most part. When I am shocked I go very quiet and then go over things later in my mind, but emotions don't stay boxed forever and so they will pop out at strange times, for me. I am a night waker so that's when usually rage, grieve, etc. alone in the dark. But this situation with my mom, being one of the hardest things I've ever handled, causes the box to open at odd times. I have mourned her several times already, fallen down on my knees and bawled in the middle of doing dishes because even though she hasn't died, the woman I know is gone. So, I would like to have "times" but life doesn't always work that way sometimes you have to laugh and cry at the same time." on 12:15:39 10/17/07 Wed


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  • ((((Sallie)))) We laughed and cried before, during and after my Nan's funeral. Laughed at memories of her and some of the foolish things she did, cried because we'd miss her but were comforted by the fact she had been ready to go and had a strong belief that she was going to join her husband and father (she talked to them and told my aunt they were in the room waiting for her for days before she died). She had dementia the last six years of her life and often her mind took her back to when she was a teenager living at home. It was very hard for those around her, but she was very content living in the past and would alter the world around her to suit where she believed she was. My dad (her son) became her father, and she would call him Dad and ask my aunt to call him so they could talk. I still think of her at the oddest times and have kept a bottle of jam from the last batch she made. (NT) -- Carla, 18:54:20 10/17/07 Wed
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