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| Subject: When does two become one? | |
Author: darkerside of light | [ Next Thread |
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] Date Posted: 09:23:04 01/24/08 Thu When does two become one? Did we see? What we wanted to see Our shadows danced then made love in our insecurity Did we hear? What we wanted to hear Our shadows danced then had foreplay with our fear Did two people meet? Two shadows running around the walls dancing at our feet When one add one equals two Then two become one Looking back at what we have said What we should do What we have already gone and done When doe’s two become one? As we sit in a distant silence In our thoughts of could this be real? Have the gods granted us some kind of special licence Hoping against hope nothing spoils how we feel Finding ourselves talking to shadows From here on what’s the deal? The shadows give us their answer Close your eyes be patience But don’t procrastinate You sure do have a date Both of you With fate DSL [ Next Thread | Previous Thread | Next Message | Previous Message ] |
| [> Subject: Re: When does two become one? | |
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Author: Sasha [ Edit | View ] |
Date Posted: 16:12:50 01/27/08 Sun ~ hiya Mark, so lovely to see you've posted in here... it would help to know what part of the poem you feel you need help with I think that would be a good place to start... hope to hear from you soon, dear one *hugs* Sash xx  . [ Post a Reply to This Message ] |
| [> [> Subject: Re: When does two become one? | |
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Author: darkerside of light [ Edit | View ] |
Date Posted: 01:49:02 01/28/08 Mon Tear it apart consructivly please DSL [ Post a Reply to This Message ] |
| [> Subject: Re: When does two become one? | |
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Author: Jess [ Edit | View ] |
Date Posted: 14:42:59 02/01/08 Fri Forgive me my lateness in replying, DSL. It looks to me like you have two separate poems here, the first 3 pieces work magic together, a short, punchy statement, and the last could be elaborated to stand alone. I like the hopeful tone of it, that feeling of being on the cusp of a major, life-changing relationship. I think you could expand that well. Only thing that throws me is the sudden switch from 'us' to 'you'. Of course, those are just my two cents. ;)Feel free to throw them into the fountain for wishes. If you do re-work it, be sure to post it so we can see how it.......grew up! lol I love to sneak a peek at the creative process of geniuses. Thanks for braving a new forum. Much love always, Jess [ Post a Reply to This Message ] |
| [> [> Subject: Re: When does two become one? | |
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Author: darkerside of light [ Edit | View ] |
Date Posted: 08:22:20 02/04/08 Mon So well spotted I do have a habit of switching from you to me or some thing else and i do try to watch that I will re- work and bring back Thanking you DSL [ Post a Reply to This Message ] |