Re: When does two become one? -- Critique Cafe

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Subject: Re: When does two become one?

Author:
Jess

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Date Posted: 14:42:59 02/01/08 Fri
In reply to: darkerside of light 's message, "When does two become one?" on 09:23:04 01/24/08 Thu

Forgive me my lateness in replying, DSL.

It looks to me like you have two separate poems here, the first 3 pieces work magic together, a short, punchy statement, and the last could be elaborated to stand alone. I like the hopeful tone of it, that feeling of being on the cusp of a major, life-changing relationship. I think you could expand that well. Only thing that throws me is the sudden switch from 'us' to 'you'.

Of course, those are just my two cents. ;)Feel free to throw them into the fountain for wishes. If you do re-work it, be sure to post it so we can see how it.......grew up! lol I love to sneak a peek at the creative process of geniuses.

Thanks for braving a new forum. Much love always,
Jess

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[> [> Subject: Re: When does two become one?
Author: darkerside of light [ Edit \| View ]	Date Posted: 08:22:20 02/04/08 Mon So well spotted I do have a habit of switching from you to me or some thing else and i do try to watch that I will re- work and bring back Thanking you DSL [ Post a Reply to This Message ]