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| Subject: Re: As They Would Will It | |
Author: Jess | [ Next Thread |
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] Date Posted: 01:55:20 01/25/08 Fri In reply to: Sasha 's message, "As They Would Will It" on 18:12:06 01/23/08 Wed Yay! The first body to flay! Just kidding. This one is a diamond, and not at all rough. At first I thought maybe a little more development about the crime that was not a crime, but then I read again how deep the pen cuts and hypocricy. I adore and love that last stanza: "I don't give a shit how many more are swinging from the rope." but who are the others? Are you the hypocrite in the end? Even so, bravo! Much love, Jess [ Next Thread | Previous Thread | Next Message | Previous Message ] |
| [> Subject: Re: As They Would Will It | |
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Author: Paul [ Edit | View ] |
Date Posted: 18:17:04 01/26/08 Sat Sash, I know this poem of course, and know the route that led you to it. I love it's powerful and bitter feel, and cannot find fault with the composition. My one suggestion, would be to lose the contraction of the word 'Except' at the start of the last stanza.The 'c' followed by the word stench, is almost a tongue trip waiting to happen, and I think the full use of the word would give that line far more weight and power. Peace and love, Paul. [ Post a Reply to This Message ] |