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Nev had always been a confident woman, never prone to second guessing or regret...and it had taken her this long to realize that the reason for this was because she'd always done what was safe. Until a month ago, she'd never stepped out of her comfort zone into the unknown. Raised in high society, she'd never been forced into that--the world had been hers for the taking. She'd chosen to head down her career path, of course...but there was nothing wild or extravagant about life behind the lens of a microscope. When she'd actually stopped to think of the life she'd led back in the city, it had occurred to her that while she'd been semi-happy in her old life, it had been because she'd known nothing different. She'd conformed to the pampered life her father had laid out for her, even as she'd rebelled and chosen her own line of work. She had never truly lived...never truly done anything for herself. It had always been about propriety...whether it was for her father, or her superiors. Never a risk, never the possibility of failure. Coming to Cascade was never supposed to awaken those senses in her--those cravings for something more. It was all supposed to be about helping her brother, doing her duty...and going back to her safe, albeit boring world. Meeting Seth had turned all of that upside down. He'd somehow breathed life into her...had opened her eyes to a different way, a different life. A life where dinner did not mean extravagant gowns in high end restaurants over conversation of how fine the wine was. There was a sense of unknown in Seth's world that she'd found exhilarating...a sense of simple acceptable that she'd never known. To be able to wake late, dressed only in one of his tee shirts with her hair in disarray---and feel comfortable in front of him...it was little things like that that had made her realize she'd never be able to reintegrate into the city. Reintegrate to the men of her world, who she'd always need to appear poised and put-together in front of. All in all...she was tired of attempting perfection. Hell, she even envied her brother's way of life, when she'd gotten to know it--chaotic and unstable as it was. To be as free, to be as unconstrained as he and his family--oh, what she'd give for that! It had been in the cab that she'd acted, impulsive and rash. She'd dialed the New York office...and had told them that she wouldn't be making it back. Her superior had been sorry to hear it, but had understood well enough, especially when she said she would be willing to review files if it should be needed over the course of the next month. She'd reconnected with her brother--and while the department would miss her...it was understood. Her co-colleague would jump at the change to head the office...he'd always gunned for the position and Nev recommended him highly. She'd felt good after the call...she'd felt liberated...crazy as it had been. She'd finally done something for herself...and she'd basked in the glow of that realization the entire rest of the trip to Cascade. Seth's words has jilted that confidence, however...made her second guess the choice she'd made. How would she explain what she'd done in a way he would understand? How could she? It was not just her fervent hope that they would work together that had prompted the final action, but the realization that she couldn't go on in her father's world anymore. The man was dead...and it was high time she found herself. Cascade was as good a place to start as any, she'd figured...getting to know the family she'd missed out on. Seth was a bonus in all of that. She paused at the full use of her name, stopping in the parking lot as the rain saturated her once again. Her small hands fisted at her sides as she fought for the words she would say to him...for a way to express just why she'd barged out of there like a crazy woman. Slowly, she turned, tiny teeth buried into the soft flesh of her lower lip as she listened to him speak from across the distance. She watched as he pushed his hair from his forehead, an action she found endearing, even now. "My whole life, I've been doing what was safe. Boarding school. Dinner parties here, luncheons there...wine tastings...you know, safe things. I was always a part of my father's world, even when I thought I was fighting against it." She shook her head, a humorless smirk playing on her lips. "I never could get out from under his thumb...not even after he died. I thought I was happy. But I wasn't." She seemed locked in place, unable to move even though she wanted to step closer to him...to make sure he really heard her. "I called the lab on my way here. I told them I wasn't coming back." She lifted her chin, almost definatly as if she expected him to chastise her for it. "And it wasn't just about us, Seth. Sure...you are very much the reason that I found the courage to take my life into my own hands...but I'm not a stupid woman. I know it's a risk. A huge one." Her hair hung is soaked tendrils, framing her face as rainwater trickled down her cheeks. "I've never taken a risk before, Seth. Not like this. It's what I want. I don't care about three months from now. I don't care about a year from now. All I know is...this is what I want now. And it's...what I've done." Her voice faltered at the end, whiskey gaze turning towards the pavement. "I'm sorry I ran out like that. I'm sorry if you think I'm completely crazy. I was scared you wouldn't understand. That you'd think I was completely irrational. I'm not." She finally pulled her gaze to his, hoping to see a sense of understanding in those blue eyes. "I have faith in this thing, Seth. But if it doesn't pan out...I'm not going back to to New York. That chapter of my life is over." _______†______†______†________ Touch me I'm cold Unable to control Touch me I'm golden And wild as the wind blows And tumbling tumbling Don't go, fascination If just for tonight darling, .L e t s. g e t. l o s t.  †2010 Dodge Challenger† †Furious Fuchsia† | |