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Date Posted: 01:25:56 07/05/18 Thu
Author: nathasurvivor
Subject: if this can help
In reply to: nath 's message, "PTSD" on 21:31:19 06/23/18 Sat


This afternn... When on way back in bus to hometown from courthse (2nd appointmt w/my jurist to know the verdict abt my sexual assault of december) in my earphones again Mike Shinoda saying in his gig in NYC(which btw i listen again daily in loop, the gigs are there: link there ) : "celebrate life, celebrate things"... So much appreciated to hear those words.

Even if my sexual assaulter isnt condamned (not surprising even rapists are nrly never condamned!), file closed until another victim, (i must write a letter of contestation and also a file to fill and must do a medical expertise (btw the medical experts here are all men *facepalm* to "quantify the damages" (btw how to quantify the money to get when we suffer of ptsd, no money can heal/pay back a sexual assault, btw even the jurist have seen the lies of the dr in his deposition, reason why i must do a contestation letter, because several lies by him),
no trial.


I knew that this appointmt will have been draining, it was and million more than i cld imagine... As the previous it was draining, the jurist office is in the courthse, there's no words to describe the feelings and how draining it is to go to a courthse, then in front of and then inside when we are a victim. Today before to enter in the jurist's office i went to restrooms i asked to the security guy where the restrooms were he said: in front of the trial room it was a shock so i went, entered in the restrooms then out and the door of the trial's room was open. I can't describe the shock to see the trial room when we are a victim, it was such a shock visualy and psychologicaly (as if to be in courthse wasnt alrdy draining)...


Each step reached since dec is a victory for me and after all what i've been through: the SA and its procedure, the cancer, its surgery and the backslides anncmt, im still alive (immensely thx to Tig Notaro 1 of her quote and pic from her docu is what kept me alive from jumping in river several times since dec, and thx to those who helped me)and each of those Everest(more than just steps) since Dec i've reached them.

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