| Subject: Delight |
Author:
Joe
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Date Posted: 17:43:16 06/28/11 Tue
Author Host/IP: c-75-64-227-105.hsd1.ms.comcast.net/75.64.227.105
I was surprised by the friend request. Shocked. I figured the ships passed each other, and I wasn't going to bring it up again. Not out of frustration or anything negative, just to keep things light.
Surprised. And delighted.
And nervous.
Do you know, you're the only woman who ever made me nervous? Hell, about the only person, honestly. I never understood that, not really. You are such a tiny thing, as a person. Not scary. Little. Friendly. Not fierce, per se.
Though I've seen your aggressive sides--or at least the ones you used to have.
But, nervous, yes.
Delighted.
I don't think its because of here--I can't imagine you'd even remember where this place is and I myself half forgot for years. But, it doesn't matter, I suppose.
Life's decent. Work is very good, though I'll not drone about it. Still working on that. Vigilance. Except to say that I found my calling. My career. And I think I might move soon, within the month maybe. Two. My job affords me some opportunities elsewhere. Cincinnati. Maybe Chicago.
It'll be good to leave. I think you know that better than most. Leaving isn't necessarily permanent, but even if it is... its not forever.
I'll miss my friends. I'll miss Jay and Tim and Tam--whom you never met, but is wonderful. The best thing that's ever happened to Tim. I'm to be Sophia's godfather. I was honored, given that Tim's a staunch atheist.
Dad is unhappy--but its because he feels out of place. I think he wants to come and live near me--wherever I go. I need to take care of him. He's not well. Of course, with his military retirement and VA benefits, he's not destitute or anything. Just lonely. Needs me. I think I need him, too.
I still miss you. And if you fear and panic at the notion of an unrequited love pining after you... relax. I hope you trust I'm more sensible than that. There are undoubtably parts of me that absolutely burn for you--I won't deny that. You were the one that got away. And I never thought I'd have that story to tell, ever. Not because I thought I'd keep the one that got away, but because I didn't think I'd ever meet her to begin with.
No. I'm not /that/ guy.
There are also parts of me, the now-parts, the here-parts... they aren't living in the past. They love the past. Respect it. Fear it. Are haunted and maybe delighted by it. But, no. I think its possible to love someone, deeply and maybe always, and yet wean yourself onto a diet of the real world.
I am eating well.
Though, on other notes, I've lost about sixty pounds this year. Since turning (oh God) 30. Another thirty or so to go. I think I'd look anemic at 220 or 210, but we'll see.
Hope you feel better (as I write this you post on Facebook that you're sick). Hope you're happy.
-B
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