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Date Posted: 00:59:00 06/12/24 Wed
Author: Autistic dancer
Subject: Does she otherwise enjoy dance? Or is it a huge source of nerves and you’re the one wanting her to dance?
In reply to: More inside 's message, "Weird thing to post on boy for Voy Forums, but how do I stop my daughter from getting nervous" on 19:25:58 06/11/24 Tue

Some autistic people don’t have great proprioception, especially when they get super interested in an activity, or if they find an activity super stressful.
You should confirm that dance is more enjoyable than stressful for your daughter. If she is too stressed by it and this is a regression in her abilities, it isn’t a “never” to pull her from dance, just a “not right now/not yet”. If she’s enjoying it, then she probably falls into the earlier category, and you should be patient with her and work with her by implementing something to help her remember to go often enough that it doesn’t matter that she wouldn’t notice she needed to go because there is nothing to hold.
For some autistic kiddos, transitions can also be stressful. You could try to alleviate stress and reduce the risk of an accident by creating a routine before dance class that both scaffolds the transition (creating a “we’re doing this, so I know this is coming soon”) and places using the restroom as part of the transition itself (so there’s no transition into using the restroom itself, that’s just a short stopover on the way to the destination)- maybe in the half hour before you need to leave, have her eat a snack, go to the bathroom, and then change for dance, and then upon arriving at the studio (or competition), go use the restroom again and then get shoes on. Feises can be a bit more difficult because they don’t always run according to schedule, and there’s so many steps involved with getting ready that are a weird in-between, stuck-in-transition phase. If possible, you should figure out a way to build in a bathroom break for every 45 minutes to hour she’s in class (maybe during a shoe change, although don’t attempt that at a feis, because she will likely miss her next dance). If you can’t be there during the shoe change, you should explain the situation to her teacher and ask that they remind her for you (any good teacher would much prefer needing to gently remind a student to go use the restroom to cleaning up after an accident and comforting the kiddo, and if your TC won’t, you should maybe find another school).
Making sure her routine gives her times where it’s expected she rid herself of any waste she can, where that’s the task at hand, will likely help with at least volume. I think they have cloth versions of pull-ups for bedwetters that would possibly be less bulky than actual pull-ups (to me, they look rather similar to period underwear, which is what I’d recommend if she’s large enough to fit in the sizes offered. My personal favorite brand is Awwa, which I know from experience is less obvious than a pad under even exercise leggings), which you could use as a final measure in case she somehow produces more waste in the time she’s in dance class or competing at a feis.
I used to work in childcare (elementary age, mostly summer camps), and we had a few kids who struggled with this sort of thing. While creating a schedule like this helped some kids learn their body’s cues better, for others it only helped because it gave them a set time they needed to go use the restroom, and if we took them out of their set routine, they would have an accident if no one prompted them to use the restroom. I can’t think of a situation that it didn’t help the kid to remember to use the restroom at least sometimes, though.

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