Re: How do you approach First-Time Obedience in your home? -- Diaper and punishment for children and teens

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Date Posted: 07:24:06 05/25/25 Sun
Author: Jen
Subject: Re: How do you approach First-Time Obedience in your home?
In reply to: Aliva 's message, "How do you approach First-Time Obedience in your home?" on 21:58:52 05/23/25 Fri

We’ve been doing FTO for about 9 years, since my oldest son was a toddler. We took a parenting class through church, read books, blogs, message boards, and just trial and error.

Our FTO rules are simple.
1) child must say “yes mommy/daddy” when name is called (we allow our 11 YO to say “yes ma’am/sir” around friends, classmates or teammates).
2) child must stop whatever they are doing and immediately come to us.
3) child must maintain eye contact.
4) child must remain silent and smile.
5) child must follow directions immediately with a happy heart.
6) when we deem a child FTO we grant them the opportunity to appeal an order by:
1) remaining silent while the adult is talking
2) then saying, “may I please appeal”
3) if appeal is granted them child may state their appeal.
4) the appeal is either approved or denied
Currently, only our 11 YO can appeal.

In addition to FTO we also have a list of household rules and chores posted in each child’s room. The rules are standard things like no lying, show respect, no hitting etc etc. The chores are age appropriate.

One rule that’s kind of vague is “I will be a good boy!” We made that rule vague to cover overall attitude.

How do we enforce this?
First is consistency which is the hardest part that we too struggle with.

Second is psychological, we use subtle things to reinforce the idea they are little children and we decide when they grow up and gain more freedom and independence. Not their friends, classmates, teammates, and especially not the media or internet. Little things like cartoon briefs, childish pajamas, earlier bedtimes, booster seats, supervised bath time, say “yes mommy/daddy”, diaper discipline etc etc etc all serve as little reminders all throughout the day they are little kids. Little kids are easier to control.

Now, it’s very important not to stunt their growth and development. The goal is happy, independent and successful adults. Our boys still go to school, play sports (soccer & baseball) and are involved with church youth groups. Use subtle things to subconsciously reinforce it. Save DD for discipline.

Third is punishment. We use spankings, corner time, warm-ups, and diapers.

Spankings are always bare bottom, over the lap with either the hand or a small hairbrush sized plastic paddle.

Corner time is for minor things like being over active while playing indoors.

Warm-ups are for quick on the spot corrections. A slap or two on bottom, usually while standing.

That brings me to diapers. Diaper discipline is probably the least used punishment parents use, most parents have never heard of it and there’s a lot of misinformation about it.

DD serves three purposes. It gives that reminder they are little children that I mentioned earlier, it provides a physical element and it allows the parents one on one time with the child throughout the day.

You can’t and shouldn’t constantly be spanking your children. A diaper is a gentle physical thing. They feel the thickness (especially when wet), it’s uncomfortable (especially when hot outside), and it’s embarrassing.

Changing time gives the parents special one on one time for additional punishment, but is used more often to talk, cuddle, tickle and laugh, and teach. It reinforces the idea that they are little children and more importantly that mommy and daddy are here to love and care for them.

DD is usually just a diaper and everything else is big boy stuff. But the great thing about DD is you can add more baby or toddler stuff to increase the punishment.

Diapers should be used for 6 and up. Diapers cause confusion for under 6 or newly potty trained kids. Most kids are FTO trained by preteen and shouldn’t need diapers as often. The sweet spot is 6 to 10.

Diapers must be used and cannot be removed. They are allowed to ask for one change only. As the kid gets older we may allow them to poop on the potty for convenience. If the child is given a pacifier then they are not allowed to talk or remove it. They can tap on it to indicate they want to talk.

This next part applies to my now 8 YO who has encopresis and occasional bedwetting. My 11 YO was a bedwetter until 9.5 and wore Goodnites. My youngest was a bedwetter until little after turning 5 and wore a diaper.

The 8 YO wears a Pull-Ups Nighttime 5T-6T every night for bedwetting. During DD he wears a Huggies Overnight. He wears a Pull-Up instead of a Goodnite because remember we want to reinforce he’s a little boy. But we want to build independence so he’s allowed a Pull-Up which he can change himself. We’ll give him Goodnites later. During DD there’s no independence so that means a diaper.

For encopresis, at school he has scheduled potty breaks. At home he has random underwear checks. Our rules for skid marks and accidents are simple:
- have an accident and tell an adult, wear a Pull-Up the rest of the day.
- have an accident in a Pull-Up then 0 punishment, that’s what they are for.
- have an accident and don’t report it, spanking and DD.

We also use Pull-Ups for traveling or whenever. If we tell him to put a Pull-up on then he needs to do it immediately or it’s DD.

Lastly we rarely do maintenance or preventative spankings. There is a time and place for them but it’s pretty rare.

Also, check out Tomato Staking.

In case you’re curious about brands.

11 YO -
Goodnites size L
Youth Crew

8 YO -
Pull-Ups Daytime 5T-6T
Pull-Ups Nighttime 5T-6T
Huggies Little Movers size 7
Huggies Overnight size 7
Luvs size 7
Huggies Little Swimmers (he’s outgrowing these and we’ll be using reusable swim diapers this summer)

5 YO - nothing until he turns 6 then it’s the same as above just sizes 5&6.

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Replies:

Re: How do you approach First-Time Obedience in your home? -- Sarah, 00:26:49 05/26/25 Mon
- Re: How do you approach First-Time Obedience in your home? -- Barabra, 04:23:58 08/13/25 Wed