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Date Posted: 04:46:15 07/15/25 Tue
Author: LionTamer
Subject: Re: How do I get started?
In reply to: Jeff 's message, "Re: How do I get started?" on 14:40:03 07/14/25 Mon

The kids complaining to the other parent is one of the behaviours that needs stamping out, other areas talking back, to both me and their dad (they push more to me having to have the last word), they fight each other and argue with us. They will be obedient but they feel they have the right to argue with our requests constantly. They don't see me as a real parent I don't think, and have no real respect for their Dad.


I have no idea where to start or what needs to be put in place, but trying to use their mother's passive good behaviour rewards is useless. That's why I found myself on this message board, we have tried respecting their mothers "punishments" and they do not work.

Getting my husband onside for having different rules under our care is a starting base. I do think he realises it just isn't working now. Thank you.


Sounds like it doesnt work if the kids can always
>complain to another parent. Which is why I suggested
>coming to an understanding that they are under your
>rules while at your house. And her rules at their
>mom's house.
>What type of behavior changes do you feel they need?
>Do you feel they are struggling to be respectful or
>just dont care? Have you gotten any idea from talking
>to them? Were you thinking they just needed to be
>spanked more or other punishments too?
>
>>
>>She claims they are well behaved with her, which I
>>can't believe is true, we have very different "ideas"
>>on behaviour and discipline. She claim that she's
>>never spanked them for example. She is so difficult to
>>work with, I'm not sure if she is blind to her
>>children's faults, or willfully lying about them.
>>My husband will spank them, but it's very rare as he
>>feels it all needs to be consistent, I'm very slowly
>>talking him round to realising that's not going to
>>work, they need drastic behaviour changes.
>>
>>I don't expect 7 and 10 year olds to be perfect, but I
>>do expect respect and order in my house. They've
>>realised they can run to their mother and set everyone
>>against each other.
>>
>>Will a short term thing actually work in this case.
>>
>>If it gets worse it will end up breaking my marriage.
>>
>>
>>>>Thank you for the advice, what is a warmup?
>>>>They will kick up an absolute storm when it first
>>>>happens.
>>>>It will be a shock but I'm at my limit.
>>>>
>>>>
>>>>
>>>>>3 weeks isn’t very long for diapers, child
>>training
>>>>>and first time obedience.
>>>>>
>>>>>For 3 weeks I would recommend spanking for every
>>>>>infraction, big or small. Maybe mix in some
>>>>>maintenance or warmups too.
>>>
>>>You mentioned the boys' mother rejects every idea you
>>>suggest. Does she have the same issues with the boys
>>>you do or do they behave better for her? Just not
>sure
>>>why she doesnt seem to be frustrated like you are.
>>>And is she willing to accept discipline ideas if the
>>>father suggests them?
>>>I would suggest talking with your husband and stating
>>>you feel they need more discipline while under your
>>>roof. Explain how frustrated you are with the current
>>>situation.
>>>Perhpas you could get him to agree that they will be
>>>subject to your rules when they are staying with you.
>>>You might not be able to have any ongoing maintenence
>>>discipline or a fixed routing unless their mother
>>>agrees to keep it going at her house. So what if you
>>>just spanked or used diapers on a short term basis,
>>>whenever you felt their behavior deserved it? Maybe
>>>that will be enough to get them motivated to improve.

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