Church of the Golden Bicep -- Have You Been Financially Raped By Landover Baptist Church?

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Subject: Church of the Golden Bicep

Author:
Most Reverend Miss Clamydia Drips

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Date Posted: 13:19:13 01/16/03 Thu

Dora,

After having a vision from the Lord, I too have decided to leave Landover Baptist. In my vision, you were standing on your balcony overlooking the ocean while a lovely breeze blew your designer sundress back and forth. I was standing in front of your building looking up and noticed that you had the smoothest koochie I had ever seen. Surely the devil's messenger had stolen your panties the night before, and left you "naked before the Lord". Fortunately, I ALWAYS have an extra pair of panties in my visions. I took a thong out of my expensive purse and waved it overhead. At once you saw me and motioned for me to come into the building.

As I got to the front door I could hear the buzzer going off. I reached to open the door and noticed there were two gorgeous bodybuilders waiting right to enter the building right behind me. The Lord had blessed them with such massive shoulders and pectorals that the mere sight of them caused the oil of life to moisten the crotch in my panty liners! Feeling the Spirit, I stepped into the elevator only to discover that we were all going to the same floor! I knew it was a sign from God! I let the men get off the elevator first and sure enough, they led me straight to your apartment! You opened the door and I could see right away there were six other perfect specimens of manhood already in your condo! One seemed to be blowing his nose or something. Two were drinking glasses of communion wine they had poured early for the afternoon "service". The other three were dancing together in some kind of conga prayer line while they comforted and rubbed each other in the kind of "ecstacy" that only happens when you've prayed right thru to heaven, even if that prayer takes all night on a crowded dance floor at the Crobar in South Beach!

After having this vision, I KNOW the Lord is leading me to move to Miami and start a ministry catering to well-muscled fun-loving men. I believe the Lord has chosen you to help me lead this ministry! You were unknowingly following the path the Lord had already chosen for you when you left those forsaken plains in Texas and moved to the TRUE promised land. And now you have gone and "prepared the way before me".

I'm so excited about moving to Miami and "worshipping" with you I'm speaking in tongues all the time now! Ba-ba-la-ba-ding-dong-me-thong-sing-song! See you soon.

Your New Escort to the Lord's Party Platter,
The Most Holy Reverend Miss Clamydia Drips :-)

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