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Date Posted: 01:11:44 11/26/99 Fri
Author: Dude Dammage
Subject: Monday---Raziel's a-- belongs to The Dude

Dude Dammage is leaving the doctor's office at a clinic. He lifts up his shirt slightly to double check the wrapping around his ribs and back. The doctor comes out of the office as well.

Doctor: Now remember, Dude, you have to take it easy, no rough stuff this weekend.

DD: It's bad enough you having The Dude sit out Friday night, but that doesn't mean you can have Him skip Monday's match, too.

Doctor: Dude, the beating you took at Death Pilgrimage would have broken the average man in half, you're very fortunate you came out in one piece.

DD: Yeah, yeah, whatever. Just save the "don't wrestle" bit for the next jaboner The Dude sends into your clinic, hospital, or morgue. Like Raziel.

Doctor: Oh no, don't tell me you've already decided who you're taking on next.

DD: You're damn right!! This Raziel punk tried to take out The Dude during His match. His mistake is that he should have killed 2-D when he had the chance. Now, Raziel has to live with that f--- up at least through Monday. Now get outta The Dude's way before you have to work on yourself, Quack.

Dammage walks out of the clinic, only to be met by a woman, pushing her little boy in a wheelchair. The boy has his left leg in a cast, along with his right arm, and also has a wrap around his head. The woman recognizes Dammage and immediately approaches him, very angry.

Woman: YOU!! You're the man who's responsible for what happened to my boy!

DD: What the hell are you talking about, The Dude gave up beatin' up kids a long time ago, at age 6.

Woman: My little Milton watched your match on TV, and decided he wanted to be you and jumped off our roof onto his pet's doghouse.

DD: Is that true, boy? You wanted to be just like The Dude and got yourself busted up like The Dude?

Milton: Yes, sir.

DD: Well The Dude says.....Good for you!!

Woman: WHAAATTT!!!

DD: Oh for Dammage sake, lady. Doesn't the boy have enough sh-- sandwiches to have on his plate with a wussy name like Milton? If anything, this makes him a MAN with the chicks.

Milton: Yeah, Mom. Chicks dig scars.

Woman: MILTON! (turns to Dude) Don't encourage him! What he did was not only dangerous, but also stupid, I should sue you for just the encouragement!

DD: The only thing that was dangerous and stupid was giving him that wiener of a name. If The Dude had a name like that, He'd have to beat Himself up.

Woman: Well, I never! You'll hear from my lawyer, hooligan. Come on, Milton.

Milton: Wait! Dude, can I get your autograph before Mom hauls me away?

DD, coldly: Would it be alright with you, Mommie Dearest?

Woman: Okay....but I'm still gonna file a lawsuit against you, though.

DD: Go ahead and sic Ally McNaked on The Dude and see if He cares. (bends down to sign on Milton's cast)

He writes, "Milton, you're sure to get some....pie with your scars, If you get The Dude's drift. Signed, Dude Dammage. P.S. Your mom's a f---in' bitch!"

Milton: WOW! Thanks, Dude!

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