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Date Posted: 01:10:08 12/02/99 Thu
Author: Dude Dammage
Subject: Cooker, The Dude's got fish to fry

Inside of the arena, the crowd is a little subdued awaiting for the next wrestler to show up. Suddenly, the lights dim and a loud explosion erupts next to the entrance as "Angry Chair" begins to play over the loudspeakers. The timid crowd suddenly comes to life as Dude Dammage appears in the runway, wearing the United States Championship belt and carrying the Internet Title over his shoulder.

In the crowd, people are holding up signs like: "I GOT DRUNK WITH THE DUDE!" "DAMMAGE MALT LIQUOR RULES!!" one sexy-looking woman is holding up, "THE DUDE ATE SOME OF MY PIE!". Dammage notices one particular sign a fan along the runway is holding and it says, "THE COOKER RULES OVER THE SOD!!" Dude walks over to the fan, snatches the poster from his hand, then procedes to wipe his butt with it, blows a snot on it and hands it back to the fan and goes into the ring.

He also has a mic in his hand, and puts the Internet Belt on the floor of the ring.

DD, looks around: There seems to be somethin' missin' here. (someone throws Dammage a cold DML) Yeah, that's more like it, The Dude does seem to be a little parched. (opens the beer, downs it, crushes the can, and throws it into the crowd of fans running over each other to get the prized souvineer)
Now, The Dude's got business to discuss. Corey "The Cooker" Cookson. (boos ring out through the crowd) Right now you think you're pretty bad-ass, Pussy-whompin', as your little Canadian mind puts it, through The Dude's Society-mates Todd Teriffic and Mat Blaster. You talk big about gettin' the best of both of them, first takin' Teriffic's TV belt, which by the way Todd pissed on before they hoisted it above the ladder (fans laughing in the background), and defeating Mat Blaster, who found out the truth about Todd and the belt before the match.
Anyway, the fact of the matter is, you may have wins against the current GCW World Heavyweight Champion Todd Teriffic, and another future champion in Mat Blaster, but you've seem to have forgotten the other guy who put this federation on the map, and that's....(motions to the crowd, and they yell in unison "THE DUUUUUDE!")

DD: Everyone in this arena knows that the road to greatness goes through Dammage-City. Jaboners have travelled that road, it runs by the DML brewery, The Pie Palace, and most importantly, right into The Department of Dammage!! Don't worry, Cooker, The Dude's got a special place for you in Dammage-City, and that's called DEPORTATION!! 'Cause when The Dude gets through with you, He's gonna pick up most of your pieces including your head, shove them in your more than ample Canadian ass, stamp a big red maple leaf on the right cheek, AND MAIL IT BACK TO THE GREAT WHITE SUCK, IF YOU GET THE DUDE'S DRIFT!!

The crowd explodes in cheers as "Angry Chair" starts up again and Dude Dammage leaves the ring.

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