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Date Posted: 02:57:21 11/19/99 Fri
Author: Dude Dammage
Subject: Just a beautiful day in the neighborhood.....

The scene opens with the camera following what appears to be a couple of Jehovah's Witnesses as they go from door-to-door. After getting a few doors slammed in their faces, they approach the door of a house that has a Harley Davidson parked in the front yard, the grass almost a foot high, and beer cans and bottles strewn throughout.

Witness #1: Do you think we should knock? This place doesn't look to friendly, brother.

Witness #2: We must, brother, for we have to spread the word of Jehovah to every person in this town, and then spread it again for that is our lot in life.

They knock on the door.....no answer.

They knock again....(loud crashing sound inside)...and then hear a voice coming from inside.

Voice: WHO THE F--- IS DISTURBIN' THE DUDE DURIN' HIS POWER NAP!! (loud thuds approaching the door)

Witness #2: Oh dear...

Suddenly the door opens violently and standing there is Dude Dammage wearing only his boxers, glaring at the two JW's.

Witness #1: Um...g.good d.d..day....

DD: Well, SPIT THE SH-- OUT!!! Who the f--- are you anyway, the press geeks from GCW again?

Witness #2: We come from the Church of Jehovah's Witnesses, and we'd like you take a few minutes of your time to discuss....

DD: The Dude doesn't care about the car crash you guys witnessed, The Dude didn't have anything to do with it anyway. The only things The Dude believes in are the three demandments: training, prayers, and....WHAT THE HELL IS THE DUDE SAYIN'! He must be havin' that nightmare again. Nevermind, The Dude will buy a box of the oatmeal maccadamias, and then, LEAVE HIM ALONE!!

Witness #2: Uh, sir, we're not selling cookies.

DD: Pie? Are you selling pie?

Witness #1: We're not selling anything.

DD: Well, why are you botherin' The Dude, then!? Jesus f--- you Mary and Joe, The Dude's gotta busy weekend ahead of him what with the PPV and all that other crap The Dude's gotta do, too.

Witness #2: We're spreading the word of our Lord and blah bla blahbety blah, etc.

DD: So basically, you two have a death-wish. You came here on the behalf of those punks Brian Steel and Chris King and thought you could bore The Dude into a coma. And now, The Dude's gonna have to lay a serious killin' on both of your jaboner asses!!

Witness #1: Now....wait..j..just a...

Before the witness could finish, Dude Dammage grabs both witnesses' heads, cracks them together, and throws the both of them into the yard. They land into the beer cans and bottles in a heap. Dammage then comes at them with a folding chair and slams it right onto both their heads.

DD: Jeez, The Dude's sure gettin' tired of this.

Dammage picks up both unconscious Jehovah's Witnesses and brings them over to the garage, opens the garage door, and tosses them in among with others already in there: salesmen, garbage men, mailmen, etc.

DD: The Dude just wanted some sleep, and these guys just didn't get The Dude's drift.

Darkness settles in as the garage door closes....

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