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Date Posted: 13:08:03 11/03/99 Wed
Author: Dude Dammage
Subject: Dude Dammage, GCW's most wanted

The scene cuts to backstage where Dude Dammage is talking to a group of attractive women when Mike Tennis interrupts with the microphone.

MT: Dude Dammage, wha...

DD: Hey, peon, can't you see The Dude's got important sh-- goin' on here! (turns to the ladies) Sorry, girls, we'll have to continue this later at my hotel suite, it's suddenly gotten stuffy in here (glares at Tennis).

The girls go away giggling "Later, Dude"

DD, to the girls: And don't forget the PIE, If you get The Dude's drift! (turns to Tennis) Now what the HELL do you want, The Dude's got a lot on his mind, like pie.

MT: Well, it looks like you have your US Title shot on Monday night as well as several people hunting you like a criminal, like Lou and Mat Blaster.

DD: The only crime The Dude's committed around here is annoyin' that jaboner Lou and the Ass Master, and it barely qualifies as a misdemeaner. Friday, when I give Lou Maximum Dammage and leave him a Hershey squirt on the mat, I intend to get ready to win The Dude's US Belt.

MT: And Mat Blaster?

DD: All The Dude knows about Mat Blaster is that for some strange reason, he named his dog after The Dude and lost him in a junkyard. Hope ya found 'im!

MT: What about the other men in the battle royal?

DD: The Dude's seen the lineup and he isn't impressed: the Tow-Away Zone? Brian "The Ham" Steel? Todd Mediocre? Clifford Jailbait? Hakeem Buh...sh-- I can't pronounce his f--kin' name, last and least Cat Plaster. The Dude says this, girls, when you're all sh---in' your pants when The Dude comes out to his music, especially when you all know what The Dude did to Lou, you'll wish you stayed home and watched Ally McBeal. 'Cause you know that'll be your end of days, If you get The Dude's drift! (to Tennis) If you'll excuse me, the Dude's gonna eat some...pie. Heh heh heh. (leaves)

MT: And now here's a word from our sponsor, Sara Lee

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