Cigar Boy interviews Bob Huggins -- XAVIER MENS BASKETBALL

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Date Posted: 18:47:15 10/03/02 Thu
Author: CB
Subject: Cigar Boy interviews Bob Huggins

Cigar Boy here, with my latest installment in my inane series of interviews with people who probably have more improtant things to do than talk to me. This week, I was wondering around Christ Hospital, trying to get a free lunch from the tray of a sleeping patient, when I stumbled into none other than "Huggy Bear" Bob Hugginsses room.

Well I nearly peed my pants. I had not been this excited since I was twelve and I ran down the street real fast because I found a dime under some dog poop. I was only a dime away from buying my favorite Cabbage Patch doll. I was real excited that time.

I put my cornmeal mush in my pocket for later and pulled out my tape recorder. When I write, I copy every word that is on my tape recorder because that makes for the best reading. Turns out, the tape recorder was in the same pocket I put the mush in, so it was a little oogy when I took it out. Here is the interview. I didn't know some of the words Huggins used, so I just use words that sound like it.
Plus, about halfway through, I started eating some of the mush off the tape recorder. It's my sisters tape recorder. It used to have "My Little Pony" stickers on it, but I must have licked those off too. You can hear me lick and cough a couple of times when Huggs is talking.
Cigar Boy: Holy Shit! Bob Huggins! Bob Freakin Huggins!
Huggs: Nurse!
CB: No, I'm not a nurse. I'm a really important journalist here to interview you.
H: No interviews. NURSE!
CB: I don't like interviews either. I just like to talk and write down things I say.
Nurse: Excuse me sir, you'll have to leave.
CB: He shouldn't leave, he just had a heart attack.
N: Then you should leave, sir.
CB: But, I, um I er, I'm his brother.
N: I'm sorry sir. I should have realized with your giant head and blatent disregard for personal health and. Hi Gene.
CB: Who is Gene?
N: I'll go make sure we have another bed in cardiac care. You'll need one in a couple of minutes.
H: I swear if I could get up I would tear you a new one.
CB: Ha ha. Great one Huggs.
H: Fine. I'll answer 5 questions if you promise to leave.
CB: Fair enough. How's the ticker?
H: Well, it's really kind of a medical mystery. I was having chest pains, so I went to the hospital in Pittsburgh. The ambulance took a long time to get to the hospital, so I had them drive through Burger King on the way.
CB: I like Wendy's
H: Shut up. I got to the hospital, and the first test they ran said that all blood flow was restricted in my heart, so they cracked me open. Turns out, I had no heart. It's what allowed me to promise kids an education only to ship them out when something better came along.
CB: Buskens has heart shaped cookies at Valentines day. What did you do?
H: It was no problem. That Hicks kid I got coming in had all kinds of heart. After he got himself shot in the leg, he coudn't run as fast. I thought he was going to be a total bust. Little did I know I could harvest his blood-pumper.
CB: Wow. What are your 3 favorite movies?
H: You are an idiot. I can't believe you can breathe on your own. Please tell me you don't get paid for this.
CB: Hmm. I missed all of those in the theatre. I'll have to rent them. I really have to take a leak. Can I use your bathroom?
H: Yes, and that counts as a question.
CB: What?
H: I said 'That counts as a question'. That's 5 now. Fuck off.

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[> You should have seen my Lance McAlister interview on Thad taking a "step down" by coming to XU. It was my pride and joy. -- Cigar Boy, 01:19:47 10/31/02 Thu

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