Limited Quantities of Rootbeer Available Worldwide -- X-Philes World-Shipperville

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Date Posted: 06:39:40 05/21/02 Tue
Author: AP News Service, courtesy of KS
Subject: Limited Quantities of Rootbeer Available Worldwide
In reply to: kenamom, still wondering in cyberspace 's message, "Ad for Classified 'Lost' Section" on 05:27:36 05/21/02 Tue

Rootbeer distributors worldwide have raised their prices to grocery stores based on the drastic reduction of the availability of rootbeer.

"We shipped massive amounts to a small corner of cyberspace called Shipperville over the weekend," one distributor apologized over the phone.

A trucker for a rootbeer company told his story about the shipments: "It was eerie. I drove up to the outskirts of town and could hear this wailing and carrying on coming from the one klub.

Then the Mayor came up to tax us for the shipments. Yeah, that's right. It actually costs the distributors to deliver anything to Shipperville. She was all red-eyed and wild-looking. I just did my job and got out of there."

When asked why the distributors would allow themselves to be taxed, journalists were met with a blanket of silence. Finally, an anonymous caller gave this explanation:

"The one time anyone actually tried to bill Shipperville for rootbeer -- or probably anything else for that matter -- they sent this creepy chick in a white tee shirt and cami's with a submachine gun. Lot of guys wound up being stuffed in barrels.

The chick came with a message: Give Shipperville what it needs or they'll send their resident assassin. She was backed up by a couple of fed-types in dark glasses. Looked real familiar, couldn't quite place 'em. Wigged out the distributors, man. Now they just give 'em what they want."

Distributors announced their intentions to raise prices in Canada and the U.S. with plans to raise costs in Australia later in the year.

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