NOROMO GAZETTE, Shipperville's Alternative Newspaper (01/04/2002) -- X-Philes World-Shipperville

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Date Posted: 03:24:03 01/04/02 Fri
Author: kande
Subject: NOROMO GAZETTE, Shipperville's Alternative Newspaper (01/04/2002)

motto: Happy New Year!

TOP STORIES

Noromo Gazette Price Increase
The price of a single issue of the Noromo Gazette will be going up 10 cents effective February 1, 2002. This is the first such increase in the paper's long and storied history.

Subscription prices will remain the same.

Three's Company
The new season of The X-Files has kicked off to mixed reviews. While many have softened their criticism of Doggett and Reyes, some are questioning the continued presence of Special Agent Dana Scully, and even more are cheering the long overdue inclusion of Mitch Pileggi in the opening credits.

The season premiere displayed much skin of Xena, Warrior Princess. This brought scoffs and hoots from many long-time viewers who thought this gratuitous. A new character, Brad, is apparently supposed to be a love interest for Reyes. However, in a recent poll, most viewers indicated a strong preference for Reyes to shoot Brad. Repeatedly.

Complete poll results:
Q: How many times would you like to see Reyes shoot Brad?
None-0.1%
At least once, but not more than 5 times-7.8%
Every week-26.7%
Until she runs out of bullets-65.4%

Q: Did the season premiere make any sense whatsoever?
Yes-2%
No-108.93%

Q: Does Doggett seem more human and less Terminator-ish this season than last?
Yes-60.5%
No-6.9%
What's a 'Terminator'?-32.6%

Q: Is there something going on between Doggett and Scully?
Shippers:
Yes-0%
No-100%

Noromos:
Yes-50%
No-50%

All:
Yes-0.2%
No-99.8%

Margin of error: +/-4.8%
Poll conducted Friday, January 4, 2002, based on hunches and guesses of how people might respond.

LOCAL STORIES

Beloved Klub Owner Undergoes Surgery
The beloved owner of kande's klub, kande, underwent surgery last Friday to remove Bud the Cyst. While kande is recovering nicely - and can now walk with only a slight limp - she and others are mourning the loss of Bud.

"Bud was like a brother to me," says kande. "I mean, I have a brother, but he lives, like, a thousand miles away and is always working and stuff. Bud, well, he was right *here*! You know?"

Klub patrons sported black armbands for three days. Black cocktail napkins will continue to be used until supplies run out.

OBITUARIES
Bud the Cyst, of kande's left knee. He was removed from this earth on December 28, 2001. He is predeceased by a brother, Stuart. May they both rest in peace.

Betina, beloved cat of kande and her SO, who died January 2, 2002, at the age of 17. Betina had been suffering from liver and kidney failure. Kande and SO are distraught and will miss her terribly.

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Replies:

Memorials for Bud, Stuart and Betina -- Kande's Sis, 09:34:45 01/04/02 Fri
- Dear Editor, -- Kenamom, distinguished mayor, 20:15:22 01/05/02 Sat