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Date Posted: 00:22:30 10/04/01 Thu
Author: P
Subject: blah

The screen fades on a very familiar but not seen for a while logo:

RAW TV.

The crowd starts chanting! They know who's promo this is! There's only one person, one woman who owns this segment!

PAN-TER-A!
PAN-TER-A!
PAN-TER-A!!

The RAWTV logo dissolves into a animated and billowing American flag, with the R A W symbol above the the heading:

THE WAR ON THE IUWF.

The crowd starts cheering and hollering in the RAW arena!! This is what they want to see! Pantera standing behind the RAW one hundred and guara-DAMN-teed percent ready to fight as the Intercontental Champion she is!

The scene fades in and the cheers go up as Pantera stands in front of a building that looks to belong to some sort of business. She's wearing a cap in cammo colors, CIA-style dark shades, and a cropped black tank top, with the U.S. flag proudly emblazoned on it. She looks around a bit as the cheers die down and then speaks.....

Pantera: This is your wartime correspondent, Pantera....your ONE and ONLY Intercontinental Champion and one half of the Tag Team Champions.....

She seems to get drowned out for a moment as the crowd cheers....."RAW! RAW! RAW!!"

Pantera:.....and I've managed to sneak into the IUWF's secret headquarters and training camp. Tonight, on this very promo, I'm going to bring you the inside scoop on all the members of the IUWF, and just what IUWF means. I went on to the streets to see if anyone knew what the hell IUWF meant.....

The scene dissolves to Pantera wandering around the streets, leather jacket on now over the shirt and longer jeans on as well, it seems. She spies an older woman in the street and approaches her.

Pantera: Excuse me, ma'am. Cleo Pantera for RAWTV. Can you tell me what IUWF is?

The old woman just stares at Pantera for a long moment and looks somewhat confused.

Old Woman: Did you say IUD, miss?

Pantera looks at the camera for a moment, shrugs....

Pantera: No, ma'am....I....U....W....F.

The woman stares at Pantera a moment longer....

Old Woman: No dear....I gave up using IUWF some time ago. I'm not as young as I used to be. Not good for your private works, if you know what I mean.

Pantera just grins at the camera and turns back...

Pantera: Thank you ma'am.

The scene cuts to Pantera talking to a pair of teenagers, both guys.

Guys: Whoa. IUWF? I use like protection for that, babe. You get some IUWF and it just shrivels your d!ck down to nothing and it just rots off, you know?

The scene cuts again and now Pantera is talking to a beat cop who looks tired and overworked.

Cop: Now you can get charged for usin' IUWF. Whoever told you that is a accomplice to selling you illegal drugs, miss....

The scene cuts back to Pantera, who speaks.

Pantera: So there you have it. Noone really seems to know what the IUWF is, but everyone agrees that it can't be good for you. So who decides to embrace this unAmerican way of life? After much searching, I found their headquarters HERE.

She steps aside and the sign saying Clearwater Retirement Home has a homemade IUWF sign stuck on top of it. Several old people in wheelchairs are waving hand-painted 'I LOVE IUWF' and "IUWF MADE ME GO BLIND AND IMPOTENT BUT I LOVE IT ANYWAY' signs and waving them as vigorously as they can.

Pantera: We should first start with those poor souls infected by the disease.

The shot cuts to a still photo of X-Con's prison photos.

Pantera: The One Move Master. Well, you can't excuse some things. He was obviously in need of a personality transplant, but it went horribly wrong. Now, there are others, but can you honestly remember them? Single gimmicks are so hard to keep going for too long.....

Pantera is now sitting on her hog and has the Intercontinental and Tag Team belt draped over the handlebars.

Pantera: So who's leading this so-called 'infection' of RAW?

The shot cuts to a group photo of the IUWF members: Luney Grate, Outlaw, Marcus Jones, etc. A circle is marked around Outlaw and Luney Grate.

Pantera: Now these two are the worst infected. The first....a woman, apparently...is highly contagious but could be cured with a size twelve dose of Whoop Ass (tm). The initial recommendation was to use an Ugly (tm) Stick, but it was decided that the treatment had been tried and was overdone. The second....Jayson the...and I hope you don't mind, Parasite....

The crowd ERUPTS with chants of "PA-RA-SITE!! PA-RA-SITR!! PA-RA-SITE!!"

Pantera: IN-BRED Gray.....here's someone who had innoculation against the IUWF virus, thanks to a short stay in RAW.....but he's obviously been re-infected with one-line broodfests and a latent desire to rejoin the fold of RAW. Well, NA NA, that is NOT gonna happen, Jay! There's only one way to treat an infection like this: SLASH AND BURN. And you WILL burn, you little inbred. In fact, OUTLAW doesn't make as much sense as JAYSON the INBRED GRAY.....maybe that's what IUWF stands for. Inbred Untalented Waste of Federation space.

She reaches over and picks up her Intercontinental Championship belt.

Pantera: Now this......this is a symbol of RAW. I am PROUD to be the Intercontinental Champion of RAW. I am PROUD that I took this belt from the waist of the One Move Master who made this championship into a mockery and I will do whatever I have to do defend this belt. If the Commissioner ChuLa wants me to beat the hell out of IUWF in a Hardcore match, I'll do it. She wants me to spill blood in the ring, I'll do it. She wants me to take the bumps, take the shots and take the falls, I'll do it because I will NEVER EVER give this belt up to ANYONE in the IUWF! If you want MY belt you IUWF scum, then stone cold DEAD is the ONLY way you are EVER going to prise it from my fingers!!

The crowd is ROARS in the biggest pop of the night!!!

Pantera: Now on the next Bloodzone, your humble reporter will be seeing the infection of RAW in person. I will be teaming with my partner, the real Texan badass…....

Another pop from the crowd!
BPC!
BPC!!
BPC!!

Pantera: ....and we will be meeting the Most Tasteless loser himself, Diablo….who even knows who this guy is anymore? Oh, he's the Technical Champion? Well, technically an idiot, yes. Technically a wannabe, yes. Technically a champion? HELL NO!! And Luney Grate….well, what can you say about someone who has a full file in a psychiatric ward?

Pantera starts up the bike and kicks up the kickstand, securing both belts on the bike and around her waist (Tag and IC)…..she looks to the camera, and goes into her reporter voice again.

Pantera: So there you have it. IUWF: Threat, menace, or just a cheap joke? You be the judge. I'm Cleo Pantera.

She drops the mic and roars off screen….and the camera lingers for a moment on one of the old folk with the IUWF signs…

Old man: IUWF…..eeeeeevil, I tells ya. Eeeeeevil.

The shot fades to static…..

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