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Date Posted: 01:28:28 09/15/07 Sat
Author: jennings
Subject: Sketches for Rowan Atkinson update...to be posted
In reply to: jennings 's message, "SNY PROMO WITH ROWAN ATKINSON" on 20:47:44 08/30/07 Thu

FIRST SKETCH -- BREAKING NEWS

DETAILS: Brian Williams anchors a breaking story out of Los Angeles


BREAKING NEWS
Written by Mark Jennings Reese II

Announcer…Don Pardo (voice only)
Brian Williams…Seth Meyers
Michael Vick…Kenan Thompson
Alberto Gonzalez…Fred Armisen
Owen Wilson…Andy Samberg
Amy Winehouse…Rowan Atkinson (in drag)
Sen. Larry Craig…Darrell Hammond
Maury Povich…Will Forte

(Fade in)

(Saturday Night You bumper)

Announcer: Saturday Night You, normally read at this time, will be delayed so that we may bring you the following breaking news report from NBC News.

(NBC NEWS bumper)

Now in New York, Brian Williams.

(Pan to Brian Williams sitting behind his NBC Nightly News anchor desk)

Brian Williams: Good evening, I’m Brian Williams. Some shocking news has come out the world as an endless war continues in Iraq. Enough about that. Now on to the breaking news that has just broken. Breaking news coming from the entertainment, sports and political world, at the same time, in Los Angeles. NBC News will now be shifting to Mount Cedar-Sinai Medical Center in California. Michael Vick, Alberto Gonzalez and Owen Wilson are about to make a joint statement from Wilson’s hospital room. We got there now, live.

(Cut to Owen Wilson’s hospital room at Mount Cedar-Sinai Medical Center)

(SUPER: Mount Cedar-Sinai Medical Center)

Michael Vick: Hello. I’m Michael Vick and no matter what anyone says, I love dogs.

Alberto Gonzalez: Enough about that, Michael. We are here tonight to comment on something that has been in the news lately. And believe it or not, it affects all 3 of us.

Owen Wilson: Yeah. Amy Winehouse has cancelled of her show dates for the next month. There is a reason for this. She’s pregnant.

Michael Vick: And we all are claiming that we are the baby’s father.

(Cut back to Brian Williams in New York)

Brian Williams: An odd series of events and allegations coming from the West Coast, tonight. (Listening into his ear piece) I am now getting word that we are going to a remote commentary from Burbank; Amy Winehouse is live via satellite. Amy, thank you for joining us.

(Cut to Amy Winehouse in Burbank, CA)

Amy Winehouse: It’s good to be here.

Brian Williams: Amy, how do you answer the claims of Mr. Vick, Mr. Gonzalez and Mr. Wilson?

Amy Winehouse: (Standing up, showing off his/her figure) My hips don’t lie!

Brian Williams: That’s not your song, Amy. That’s Shakira, I believe.

Amy Winehouse: Don’t you wish your girlfriend was hot like me?

Brian Williams: Nope. Pussycat Dolls.

Amy Winehouse: I want to talk to my lawyer!

Brian Williams: Amy, go to rehab!

Amy Winehouse: I won’t go…go…go…

(Satellite feed cuts off from Amy Winehouse in Burbank)

Brian Williams: Amy Winehouse in Burbank. From this anchorman, she’s looked better. (Listening into his ear piece) I am getting word that we are now going back to Owen Wilson’s hospital room, for commentary from the baby’s daddies.

(Cut back to Owen Wilson’s hospital room at Mount Cedar-Sinai Medical Center)

(SUPER: Mount Cedar-Sinai Medical Center)

Gentlemen, Brian Williams in New York. Are all of you claiming to be the father of Amy’s bastard coming newborn?

Owen Wilson: Yes, we are. And I find it odd that you would question us. But at the same time, I feel like this type of media circus has happened before…recently, in fact. I feel like I want to slash my wrists all over again. Vick, hand me those depression pills!

Michael Vick: Get your own, Dupree!

Brian Williams: Gentlemen, I’m not questioning you. It just seems weird that this claim is happening now…that all of you are in the middle of media circus of your own. Michael, with your dog fighting case, Alberto, you just resigned, and Owen, your recent suicide-attempt last weekend. Are you just trying to push the issues to the wayside?

Alberto Gonzalez: No. And you are wrong to question us, Mr. Williams. I would never expect this from Tom Brokaw!

(Suddenly, Senator Larry Craig comes busting through the door of the hospital room)

Senator Larry Craig: I’m not gay! I am not gay! Sure, I experimented a little in the 70’s and some more in 80’s…and a little more last Fourth of July, but I am not gay! In fact, I’m the father of Amy Winehouse’s baby!

(Suddenly, Maury Povich comes crashing through the ceiling of the Owen Wilson’s hospital room, landing on Wilson, lying in bed)

(Povich dusts the ceiling debris off himself)

Maury Povich: WHO IS THE BABIES DADDY?

(Cut back to Brian Williams in New York)

Brian Williams: Thank you, gentlemen. So let’s recap. Owen Wilson is suicidal, Michael Vick is a gambling dog fighter, Alberto Gonzalez is a jobless, talent less Hispanic stereotype who will be hosting the Oscars next year, Senator Larry Craig IS GAY and Maury Povich is just a one trick pony. As for me, I’m LIVE FROM NEW YORK, IT’S SATURDAY NIGHT!

--------------------------------------------------------

SECOND SKETCH -- Another Great Moment In RockNRoll History

DETAILS: the events that led to the break up of Van Halen


“Another Great Moment In Rock-N-Roll History”
Written by Mark Jennings Reese II

…Don Pardo (voice only)
David Lee Roth…Andy Samberg
Eddie Van Halen…Will Forte
Alex Van Halen…Fred Armisen
Michael Anthony…Jason Sudeikis


Don Pardo: And now, another great moment in Rock-N-Roll History.

(Van Halen recording studio, where Van Halen is recording their “1984” album)

(SUPER: VAN HALEN RECORDING STUDIO 1983)

Eddie Van Halen: Come on, let’s try it again!

David Lee Roth: Eddie, can’t you see me standing here? I’m standing in the middle of this studio scene. You ain’t better than me; ah can’t you see what I mean?

Eddie Van Halen: Dave, why don’t you just jump off a bridge?

David Lee Roth: Maybe I will go “jump”! But one thing I’m planning on doing…

Michael Anthony: What?

David Lee Roth: (saying to the tune of “I’ll Wait”) I’ll wait til we finish recording this album, before I go solo!

Alex Van Halen: Guys, quit fighting! Maybe it’s true. We’ve been running a little bit hot tonight. Maybe, we can barely see the road with the heat coming off. We just need to reach down in between our legs and ease the seat back.

David Lee Roth: You know what Alex, why don’t you just go to hell? Better yet, go to (screaming) PANAMA!

Michael Anthony: I’ve got it bad, bad, bad…I’m hot for a teacher. I’ve got it bad, so bad; I’m hot for a teacher!

Eddie Van Halen: Oh shut up, Michael. You’re like Ringo in this. As soon as Valerie and I have a kid, I’m gonna teach him the bass and kick you out of this band faster than you can say, “Let’s replace Dave with a red-faced chia pet!”

(David Lee Roth rushes the camera)

David Lee Roth: Zippity bop!

(David does a series of air jumps)

Don Pardo: This has been another great moment in Rock-N-Roll history.

(Fade out)

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