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>Well i got pregant by a sorry ass man and i didn't >want the baby because i felt that i wasn't ready be a >mother i felt i couldn't offer him anything because i >didn't have any i had just move in my apartment and >had little beat up car that broke down on me every >other month so i told the father that i was pregant >and that i need help paying for the termination he >just told me he will call me back ever did so i call >him and call but he aviod my calls so i try to get the >money my self donig all kinds of doubles on my job so >i could get it done but the farther i waited the far i >became pregant and harder it was for me to get it done >in maryland i spoke with a lot of doctor who wanted to >help but not a lot so i said that i was going to do it >myself by drinking popping pills taking laxatives to >overdosing on inslin and even straving myself i would >punch myself in the stomach trying to get rid of this >baby this monster that i was carryin i ask god to >please take him because i don't want him but my son >heart beat was stronger than ever kicking in my >stomach alive and well i hated my son because i done >all those things to him and he still was coming in >this world so i was angry with god be cause i told him >i couldn't do it but he didn't listen to me i felt as >all ways for one i walk on my tippy toes i am fat >which i like but i had a mess up shape i am big at >the top and little at the bottom big wide feet and my >face please i would be typing for ever but believe it >or not i am happy with me i just wish i had some hips >a big butt like a black woman i feel like i am shape >like a big fat nasty white woman and on top of that i >have a son i felt like i couldn't keep a man than and >now i have a baby no man want a ugly fat out of shape >girl with a kid and no money that why i ask if i am >forgiving for feeling the way i did or is god still >mad with me .
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