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Subject: Re: PWP


Author:
shrift
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Date Posted: 17:12:16 02/19/04 Thu
In reply to: 's message, "Re: PWP" on 20:30:03 02/18/04 Wed

His caress on her bare skin made her squirm slightly, tightening legs that were still draped around him. They pulled him closer, and he shifted awkwardly against her, his body responding to the proximity.

Maybe -- "His caress on her bare skin made her squirm slightly and tighten her legs around him."

"They pulled him closer"... Hmm. Even though she's pulling with her legs, I prefer "she pulled him closer."


The scratch of his beard and the moisture of his mouth even through the lace sent shots of electricity through her, and she gasped, feeling her rhythm falter.

Hmm... just a minor rearrangement for flow:

Even through the lace, the scratch of his beard and the moisture of his mouth sent shots of electricity through her, and she gasped, feeling her rhythm falter.


And I think that's it! I still giggled like a loon at the third part. The story is funny and sexy, and from what you've told me about the characters, seems very probable.

Um. Also, I am still brain dead.

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