Re: Cath and thoughts on the evolution of friendship -- Northwest Nerds Bookclub

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Date Posted: 11:07:14 02/07/00 Mon
Author: Courtney
Subject: Re: Cath and thoughts on the evolution of friendship
In reply to: Chris 's message, "Re: Cath and thoughts on the evolution of friendship" on 12:20:13 01/31/00 Mon

I really enjoyed the exploration of this relationship. It is so easy to let yourself get caught up in what you did to make something happen. It's much harder to step outside of your reality to see the event as not really having to do with specific actions. I think Jane's epiphany about their relationship not just being about her really addressed this.

I also think that to have relationships maintain the same level of intensity is impossible. I think every relationship you have has to be in a constant state of flux, including the one you have with yourself. The upside to this is that when it's good it is the best it can be, and the dowside is having that feeling of isolation and insecurity when you don't understand what went wrong.

Catherine wrote--I also thought having the shop be
> owned by the same lady as was her grandma's aid was
> dumb.
>
> I agree. The fact that her relationships would
> coincedentally tie together while visiting the
> Galapagos islands is ridiculous. Not only is she
> reunited with her long lost best friend but then she
> sees her aunt's nursemaid/seamstress on the island.
> I'm sure their is some beautiful metaphor there, but
> I'm not seeing it.
>
> However, I think the general theme as I guessed it was
> very interesting. Jane spent the last 10 years
> stewing about some misinterpreted action and picking
> through everything she could have done to estrange
> Martha (the kind of shit I do all the time), when it
> was never really anything she had done. Evolution of
> friendships occurs and, inevitably, friends are shed
> like unnecessary characteristics. It's natural for us
> to adapt to our surroundings and take advantage of
> what features are there. I know that seems kind of
> cold, but think of all of the friendships you've had
> over the years. They all seem to be in a state of
> growth or decline and very few remain on a plateau
> (even in the "nerds" there's a constant ebb and flow).
> This isn't saying that the associations you make on a
> daily basis aren't real. However, there are very few
> that outlast their temporary usefulness. Who knows
> what marks those relationships that do last? All I
> know is that there isn't enough time in today's
> society to keep tabs on all of the people who have
> been valuable to me over the years.
>
>
> Who wants to chat about this - let me know, I've got
> > to go now.... there were good things... ie when she
> > talked about her childhood...

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