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Subject: Please Criticism Requested


Author:
Preston
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Date Posted: 20:00:34 08/01/01 Wed

Hello all!

okay, i've been scribbling away, so that means lots of poems. yah! for me. anyway, i would like feed back on these two...especially the first one. I think it's kind of pretentios. anyway...

Memory’s Refresh

In the quiet of memory
You’re in my arms again,
Like a rose in a vase.
Relax-sink in closer-
let me whisper into
your precious ear
with words I can’t remember
I know time is fleeting,
and you’ll soon seemed
to have disappeared
from my world, my reality.
I want to weep
knowing you are so far away,
and yet I smile—
for once you
warmed my cold body.


A Bird

The smell of shit and
piss and mud and
rotten grain
seeped into my quiet lungs
like a vapor invading
a silent gas chamber.

There I found a bird,
as if no more than a leaf,
bobbing in the water…
murky, dirty, filthy water…

Clouds enveloped the sky
like eyelids closed tightly
to protect from
dust, flying debris.

Slowly beginning to sink,
it didn’t twitch—
didn’t fight for life…
the wings, the legs
frozen…rigid
like the granite of
a head stone.
And the eyes, not even
half opened, peered at me
demanding an explanation
I could not give.

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Replies:
Subject Author Date
Re: Please Criticism RequestedMary Catherine20:23:34 08/01/01 Wed
Re: Please Criticism Requestedjoanna20:57:01 08/02/01 Thu


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