Should I have married simply because I felt like I had to? -- Family Issues

[ Show ]

Support VoyForums

[ Shrink ]

VoyForums Announcement: Programming and providing support for this service has been a labor of love since 1997. We are one of the few services online who values our users' privacy, and have never sold your information. We have even fought hard to defend your privacy in legal cases; however, we've done it with almost no financial support -- paying out of pocket to continue providing the service. Due to the issues imposed on us by advertisers, we also stopped hosting most ads on the forums many years ago. We hope you appreciate our efforts.

Show your support by donating any amount. (Note: We are still technically a for-profit company, so your contribution is not tax-deductible.) PayPal Acct: Feedback:

Donate to VoyForums (PayPal):

[ Login ] [ Contact Forum Admin ] [ Main index ] [ Post a new message ] [ Search | Check update time ]

[ Next Thread | Previous Thread | Next Message | Previous Message ]

Date Posted: 03:26:04 01/15/00 Sat
Author: Kim Brenna
Subject: Should I have married simply because I felt like I had to?

I have 2 very good friends, best friends actually. They were sister-in-laws. I had another friend since high school. One of these friends introduced me to her cousin-by-marriage - her husbands cousin. He was recently divorced and I had just moved out of my boyfriends house. To make a long story short, we ended up dating and then we moved in together. Iloved him at one time and then I think that I just fell out of love. I just stayed very busy so that I did not spend too much time with him in the house. One evening,on his birthday, we went to dinner and he surprised me with an engagment ring and asked me to marry him. I knew that I did not love him but I almost felt obligated (we had been together for 7 years and had lived together for 6 of those years. In addition, 2 of my best friends were his cousins and the other ended up moving in with his brother and was also pregnant.

I went through with the wedding. 1 1/2 years later I ended up cheating on him with someone that I worked with and I had always promised myself that I would never get involved with a co-worker!! Anyway, we were both married. I was never home and somehow my husband managed to learn how to use email and saw many graphic messages that I had written to the gentleman that I worked with. My husband was devestated and wanted to work on the marriage-forgive and forget and go forward. I decided that this was the time to tell him that I was not in love with him anymore and that I wanted a seperation. I really wanted a divorce but I was too chicken to tell him that so I lied. It took me 4 months to finally purchase my home before I moved out.

I am not sure why or when I fell out of love with him but it happened. He did everything for me. It was like living in a hotel. I did not have to do anything and I did not even have to pay for any bills. My money was my money and I was free to dowith it whatever I chose (mostly shopping- Iguess that was my outlet). Over the years we stopped communicating and also stopped having sex(I would make up every exuse in the book.)

I have been in my new townhouse for almost 8 months now and have made new friends with my neighbors. My 3 best friends never call anymore - I guess that blood is thicker than water.

So here I am paying bills and lots of them, cooking, cleaning, painting, etc. I do not mind doing these things though. I have not gone out much to meet people as I worked both Friday and Saturday nights as a bartender for extra money. I did quit so that I could go for my MBA and have some kind of a life (although the extra money came in handy).

I hate my job but that story is a very long one. So, I sometimes ask myself if I am happy and the answer is yes (outside of my job!!!). I know that I need to get out more and meet people but I am not sure that I can go clubbing every weekend. Any suggestions on what I should do with myself on the weekends now that I am not working. I have actually been looking for another position as a bartender because I am bored. Oh, I was recently seeing someone but I decided to call it quits - I realized that it would never work out due to a few reasons that I would rather not expad on too much - So, I followed my new golden rule (4-6 months and then decide whether or not we should continue the relationship or not- I go with my gut feeling and head.
Are there any true romantics out there that want to tell me to follow my heart? If so, plese explain in detail the benefits........and share some experiences also please as I would love to hear them . Then again my heart changes frequently, so, so, so, many times I really do not know what to do.

Is there anyone out there that has had a similiar experience? I would love to know how others handled this. I would also welcome any comments as to the way that I handled this.

I am looking forward to many responses.

[ Next Thread | Previous Thread | Next Message | Previous Message ]

Replies:

Re: Should I have married simply because I felt like I had to? -- Dr. Spivey, 11:43:49 01/17/00 Mon