| Subject: Majidah's Musings |
Author:
Majidah
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Date Posted: 11:10:23 10/07/01 Sun
7th day of Ont'kan
Entry Twelve
'You can't save those who haven't a care to be saved'. Such Ahkil has said, and many before him. Cricket is gone once more, except this time I am truly at a loss for why. Each time she disappears it is more and more difficult to find her again. I get the sinking feeling that she won't be coming back anytime soon. I will accept her need to get away, and I won't search for her. I don't think she wants me to. That though, is a hard pill to swallow. I had thoughts that we would grow old together, two ornery women sitting on the front porch of the Roost and scaring off kids by waving our rusty daggers and yelling obscenities. I think maybe I left her alone too much, but hunting is something so deeply rooted into me.. I miss her a great deal, and when I sit against our rock on the road.. I almost expect to see her coming in the distance. Or when I'm at the roost, to see her pretending to kick around the cat. I am no longer sure what my place is. The roost? I go to the roost for Cricket alone.. Indigo's food is a mere perk. I can't sit around on my ass and hope she'll grant us a visit though, as I wouldn't expect her to do. I feel as if a part of me is missing and it aches, but then.. I've had that feeling before. She isn't dead though, maybe that will help me sleep at night. Maybe she was trying to tell me something? Or maybe even Ahkil through her. No, she is her own person.. not Ahkil's vessel. And I will go with my instincts, as they've rarely proven me wrong. I'll check on Indigo as often as I may, but it's back to my roots. The forests. Not the one by the Roost, that's too close.. I know I'd indulge myself too often that way. But wherever I feel spoken to. For now I need to decide what to do with Sardonyx and the foals on the way. I don't know how to care for foals, but I'm sure Tarek has skill enough to raise them. I think I'll ask him to give one to Indigo when its rideable, that it should be my gift to her. Out of all of us, I think she has the most adjustments to make and I wish her all the luck. She is strong though, I sense it and I know she'll be alright. Sardonyx will come with me once she is able, it will be just the two of us then. A woman and her horse, I guess I shouldn't need more than that. But I do. Ta'kienta.
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