| Subject: Majidah's Musings |
Author:
Majidah Buhara
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Date Posted: 12:47:22 10/26/01 Fri
26th day of Ont'kan
Entry Fifteen
I still need to go to town, but something bothers me today. I don't know what.. it just seems that a familiar apprehension has taken over, much like the day they proclaimed it was Ahkil's time to go. I felt it all that morning, like a strumming in my heart and I was loathe to go hunting for fear he'd be gone for some reason whence I returned. He wasn't, but I soon got the news.. and knew the feeling had been telling me true. He used to call that intuition something, I can't recall what.. used to tell me that someday he was going to send me into the greater lands, all for the sake of getting money with one of the white peoples' games, because I would be able to sense cards or some such thing. He didn't live to do it. I found myself taking two extra checks around the woods just because of this all. Early in the morning, and after I had some food. Nothing wrong, none that I could see. Maybe something will come to me tonight, its possible. I can't imagine everyone believes this place haunted, though no one has dared to venture within my area yet. Maybe I am just missing my tribe again, missing Cricket. Last night I'd thought I had killed a large elk, and as I was dragging it back to camp.. the damned thing sprung up and tried to run. Reminded me of the time I had to drag one back for Cricket's friend R'Auco.. perhaps that why this sense of loneliness is hitting me harder. Gods, if Ciro was the one who talked her into leaving, or even encouraged it.. I'll hunt him down and beat him within an inch of his life until he tells me where she is. I am only fooling myself by saying that time will lessen this. Some days it seems so, but most days I just sit here, miserable. I was supposed to take her back to my homeland, someday. Some adventure that would be.. braving the elements as well as the bitterness of my people, where it that way. They might've welcomed her and done away with me, she holds so much charm I don't doubt she could woo them into anything. Hell, for all I know.. she could be there now. I rather like the thought, suppose she were sitting around a fire with Anazeh and Makiha.. and Ahkil's sons. They might tell stories of me, and she'd laugh and nod, as if everything I've done in my childhood reflects who I am as she knows me. It probably does.. I don't think I've changed all that much. Softened, perhaps.. but I guess unless you knew me then you wouldn't have thought it possible that Ahkil's Faizah could be anything less than the epitome of harshness and ruthlessness, except to Ahkil himself. In a few days time they would see that she reflects all the good parts of me, and all the bad aspects of myself are absent within her. The perfect version of myself, but at the same time her own person.. and completely different in that regard. Do I even make much sense? It's doubtful, but I am so tense right now.. I'd willingly give my soul to see her again. Hell, I'd have given my soul any day of the week if she demanded it of me. Or an arm, or a leg.. Maybe I didn't tell her that enough. Maybe if I had, she wouldn't have left.. she wouldn't have decided she might be better of elsewhere, with whomever she went with.. be it just she and her Gluepot or Ciro as well. Maybe its Sho. No, she gave him up. It could be any number of people I suppose. People from her past I've never even met.. maybe they coerced her into leaving. I could be self-pitieous and believe it was all my doing, but that's probably Tarek's job. If I know him at all, he'll be blaming himself as usual. I wouldn't know either way, as he's never around when I go into town. I'll have to check again soon, I'm dieing to see what sort of wild foals Sardonyx has mothered, and besides.. I still intend for Indigo to have one as her own. If Cricket were to ever come back to the Roost, I think she'd know right off who's spawn it is.. and she'd know that I'm trying in my own way to watch out for the girl. There are a few in town whom I've entrusted with my whereabouts, should something happen to her or news come. It's doubtful they'd dare the Cidaea woods alone, but they are keepers of their word.. I know the leathersmith would atleast send some of his working boys if he couldn't come himself. If I gather up enough willpower I'll get Bess her meats later tonight, maybe find a job to keep me in town for a few days. Perhaps this is what I need to do, this might be what my instinct is telling me. Maybe news that I won't have otherwise gotten will come? Only time will tell. Ta'kienta.
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