| Subject: Majidah's Musings |
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Majidah
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Date Posted: 01:35:11 08/15/01 Wed
15th day of Auotien
Entry Four
I have finally gotten Cricket's story out of her, and what a sad tale it is. It coincides somewhat with the stories of Ramheis' children, or Kindred as she calls them. She has an addiction to those that drink blood, and they to she. A destructive force, to be sure. And one fed from her last night as I lay sleeping and unaware. Even thinking on it now makes my anger arise. I was right there, and didn't stop it. She says that it isn't my fault, as those of Ramheis can make themselves silent.. but I do not care. She needed protection, and I simply did not give it. There are no excuses, not in my mind. I would go after this Kindred she is linked to, but she protests. Why? I do not know. Maybe because she still craves him, or maybe because she feels sorry for him. Both may indeed be the case, or not the case at all. Does she think me uncapable? I know nothing is truly impossible to defeat, and I don't accept failure from myself for long. I will wait for a good opportunity, then strike. She may be upset with me, but will realize it was a good thing in the end. Believe it or not, that was only part of our talk. She proposed an idea to me in all seriousness, and bid me think on it. The idea? To marry Tarek. I find such a thought amusing at best, but am greatly hurt.I don't know though what I should feel. It seems to her like a great idea. Tarek gets his throne and Cricket as his mistress. And I? I get to "rule", have my own people and fight for a country that isn't my own. She seems to think this my dream, and that is cause for much thought. Is that how simple I appear? Is that the general idea that my being open has wrought, or have I not been open enough? It certainly seems as though all my talking has been for shit. Not to say that I want to live in a seaside cottage with five children and a sailor, but.. hell, I don't know. I love my lifestyle as it is, but I need something with meaning, personal meaning.. and Tarek's life doesn't come close. And no one has even touched upon what Tarek would think of this little proposition. If she could actually talk him into it, she may be a better negotiator than Ahkil himself. However dear though she is to me, I don't think I could subject myself to such an existance. I hope to find a solution in all of this mess. And gods, more than ever.. I wish Ahkil where here to tell me what I should to do, to tell me what to tell Cricket.. I need his wisdom now. The Roost is now near, though. I must get Cricket inside and then decide what to do next. Atleast the issue will be stagnant until Tarek returns. I don't know if I could stand listening to Cricket's argument once again. Ta'kienta.
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