friday gag number 2 -- RSE Enterprise Fellows (rtd)

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Date Posted: 13:47:32 08/24/01 Fri
Author: the lone poster
Subject: friday gag number 2

You are getting old
the symptoms:

1. You leave gigs before the encore to "beat the rush"
2. You own a lawnmower
3. You stop dreaming of becoming a professional footballer and start
dreaming of having a son who might instead.
4. Before throwing the local paper away, you look through the property
section
5. You prefer Later with Jools Holland to Top of the Pops
6. All of a sudden, Tony Blair is not 46, he's only 46.
7. Before going out anywhere, you ask what the parking is like
8. Flicking through Heat magazine makes you too tired to go out
9. Rather than throw a knackered pair of trainers out, you keep them
because they'll be all right for the garden
10. You buy your first ever T-shirt without anything written on it.
11. Instead of laughing at the innovations catalogue that falls out of
the newspaper, you suddenly see both the benefit and money saving properties
of a plastic winter cover for your garden bench and an electronic mole
repellent for the lawn. Not to mention the plastic man for the car to
deter would- be thieves
12. You start to worry about your parents' health.
13. You complain that ecstasy's "not as pure as it used to be coz you
know that if you have some it will take about 48 hours to recover and
anyway, you might look a bit of an idiot.
14. Sure, you have more disposable income, but everything you want to
buy costs between 200 and 500 quid.
15. You don't get funny looks when you buy a Disney video or a Wallace
and Gromit bubble bath, as the sales assistant assumes they are for your
child.
16. Pop music that started to sound crap starts to sound good again....
17. You opt for Pizza Express over Pizza Hut because they don't have any
pictures on the menus anyway, they do a really nice half-bottle of house
white.
18. You become powerless to resist the lure of self-assembly furniture
19. You always have enough milk in
20. To compensate for the fact that you have little desire to go
clubbing, you instead frequent really loud tapas restaurants and franchise
pubs with wacky names in the mistaken belief that you have not turned into
your parents
21. While flicking through the TV channels, you happen upon C4's Time
Team with Tony Robinson. You get drawn in.
22. The benefits of a pension scheme become clear
23. You go out of your way to pick up a colour chart from B& Q
24. You wish you had a shed
25. You have a shed
26. You actually find yourself saying "They don't make 'em like that
anymore" and "I remember when there were only 3 TV channels" and "Of
Course, in my day...."
27. Radio 2 play more songs you know than Radio 1 - and Jimmy Young has
some really interesting guests on.... you know.
28. Instead of tutting at old people who take ages to get the bus, you
tut at schoolchildren whose diction is poor
29. When sitting outside a pub you become envious of their hanging
baskets
30. You make an effort to be in and out of the curry house by 11.
31. You come face to face with your own mortality for the first time,
and the indestructibility of the 20s gives way to a you don't settle down
soon and have kids you'll have no- one to look after you when you're old and
frail and incontinent and you can't go on p**sing your life up against a
wall forever and think of how many brain cells you're destroying every
time a swift half turns into 10 pints, and look at that, a full set of
stainless steel saucepans for 99 quid, they cost as much as 35 each if you
buy them separately, and you get a milk pan thrown in, ...
32. You find yourself saying "is it cold in here or is it just me?"
33. Getting the last tube home isn't just about saving money.
34.You find it hard to believe that anyone who could be born in 1980 could
actually have a job.

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