Re: My Boyfriend Can't Accept His Dyslexia-- Help! -- Dyslexia Adults Link

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Subject: Re: My Boyfriend Can't Accept His Dyslexia-- Help!

Author:
Angie

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Date Posted: 17:11:54 03/02/10 Tue
In reply to: Jen 's message, "My Boyfriend Can't Accept His Dyslexia-- Help!" on 22:03:37 01/19/10 Tue

Jen, I'd like to give you some advice. I am a 16 year "survivor" of marriage to a dyslexic. Much like you, Blake hid it from me in the beginning. He was afraid that I would think less of him if I knew he was illiterate. He reads on maybe a 1st grade level and is unable to do math calculations beyond adding and subtracting double digits. The best thing that I can tell you is to leave it alone. People have (probably) judged him his entire life about his disability and he's tired of it. Trust is a HUGE issue and the fact that even his sister broke his trust probably set your relationship back though it was no fault of your own. He does not want you to treat him like he has a disability. It immasculates them. He wants to be your hero not have you help him, especially at his age. I think my husband and I were constantly fighting at that age because he thought that I was too smart for him. I am smart, but he's able to do so many things that I can't. He didn't see that, only the IQ results (which are skewed by the way). Give him time to know that you are the same person he fell in love with; treat him like the same guy you fell in love with; and before long that trust will be back and perhaps he will be more willing to open up to you about it. It took about 8 years for my husband though. So be prepared to be in it for the long haul. If not, his sister just ruined his trust for any future relationships. It's tough because now, how you respond will affect how he interprets love and trust for the rest of his life.

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[> Subject: Re: My Boyfriend Can't Accept His Dyslexia-- Help!

Author:
Ray Ham
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Date Posted: 20:01:14 03/02/10 Tue

Jen, ask your boyfriend this question: If your sister told you that I have cancer, would you drop me from your life and your feelings? Or some question like this that evokes a response. The idea is to turn the tables; perhaps by telling him a secret about yourself. The follow up to your talk with him is to let him know that we all have strengths and weaknesses. (You can tell him your own.) There is not one of us who is perfect. Let him know how proud you are of him for being the sweetest, nicest person you have ever met, and being that way even though he has struggled in school. And tell him this: My guess is that the strength of your character, and the determination of your spirit to be good at what you do has a direct bearing on the struggles you have faced in life. Don't quote this word for word but put it in your own words so it comes from your heart. My observation is that the blade is sharpened and honed to a razor's edge by the abrassive edge of the stone.
God Bless.