Author:
Designated Hitter
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Date Posted: 21:07:17 03/07/02 Thu
(Scene: The camera fades in to show DH just finishing a workout in the WCHW weight room. He sees the camera man and smiles.)
DH: “Hey, come on over. I’ve been thinking and I’ve got some more things to say to this Ares guy. Follow me.”
(The camera man follows DH into the locker room. As he is walking toward his locker, he passes a locker with the name ‘Ares’ on it. DH smiles and heads immediately to his locker. DH pulls out a gym bag from his locker and unzips it. He reaches in to pull something out but stops just before he pulls it out.)
DH: “So, last night I was thinking that maybe I was a little harsh on my opponent, Ares. I mean, he did show me and the rest of the WCHW that he can cut a promo without using the swear words. Now, if we can only get him to take a breath during one of his tirades . . . . but I digress.”
(DH drops the item back in the bag without showing it to anyone. He starts getting some stuff out of his locker, getting ready to leave.)
DH: “So, I’m thinking that Ares doesn’t need that dictionary I gave to him. And I was left wondering what else I could do to help the guy out. First, I thought that I’d try and help him find a better place to live. I mean, a shed is no place for a wrestler of his obvious prowess and skill . . . “
(DH laughs to himself.)
DH: “Then I thought that I’d get him a large suitcase so that he could pack around that tremendous ego of his whenever the WCHW went on tour. I’m talking a BIG suitcase. One large enough for his ego and all the empty threats he tosses around. Wait. If they’re empty threats, would that mean they don’t take up any space?!?! Interesting paradox there!”
(DH pauses in contemplation for a brief second.)
DH: “But then I hit on the perfect gifts to give him! First, I thought of his name. What does it mean, exactly . . . . Ares, the Greek deity of war. It just doesn’t fit. So, I decided to give him this . . . “
(DH reaches in a pulls out the “G” volume of the Encyclopedia Britannica.)
DH: “I looked up Greek Mythos in this volume. And, I think I’ve found some better names for you, Ares. I mean calling yourself the god of war without being through any is like me calling myself the WCHW Champion without ever having the belt. But, again, I digress.”
(DH opens the book.)
DH: “So, I found three good replacement names for you, Ares. First, there’s Windbag, the deity of blowhards! That kind of fits. Second, there is Jobber, the deity of crappy wrestlers. I don’t know about that name . . . you might have to wait until after our matches before you can use that one. Finally, and this I think is the best because it is soooo close to the name you picked for yourself, there is Arse. What is Arse the deity of you ask? Why he isn’t a deity at all. Arse is what I’m going to kick on you when we step into the ring at Rebirth!!”
(DH snaps the book shut, walks over and sets it down near Ares’ locker, then returns to his own locker. He finishes packing and then starts to head out.)
DH: “Arse, it doesn’t matter what kind of match you and I are in . . . Stairway to Hell, Stairway to Heaven, Stairway to the 32nd floor of the Sears Tower! In any event, it has now become my personal vendetta to shut you up. See you at the yard, meat! Oops, I mean, Arse!”
(The camera fades to red with black pinstripes.)
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