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Date Posted: 21:14:38 03/25/03 Tue
Author: husky
Subject: Re: fragment - Golden Girl (working title)
In reply to: the Lady 's message, "fragment - Golden Girl (working title)" on 21:17:55 03/23/03 Sun

i'm with matt, the last line really does jolt the reader out of the created image, but i think it is effective.

"You'd rather him pour it into your sunken belly
- your hearth is too weak to carry it -
than have a real conversation,
unscripted, unplanned, unknown...
and completely unimagined."

i really like that stanza, especially the first line, i think there is some great imagery in there. very biting commentary.

this is good, and i think its up to your personal discretion as to what really needs to be changed.

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