Date Posted:09:22:16 01/06/05 Thu Author: Caitlin Subject: Love of God vs. Judgement of God
I have another issue that really bothers me. When I came to ubf I was a messed up sinner. I knew my life was a mess and I was dirty. However, I didn't really know deep in my heart God's love. UBF started me in Genesis with all sorts of condemnation for unbelief, for family conflicts, for sexual immorality. However, they didn't introduce me to God's love-that He loved me very much He died for me. They didn't show me the love of God either. They mocked, made fun and shunned me. I changed out of fear of man and perhaps terror of God, rather than love of God. However, I became bitter and felt controlled and condemned and was very depressed.
When I left ubf I was alone and got into trouble and became afraid and acted immoral out of my fear. Now, I believe I truly have faith in God's love and truly have repented. However, when I hear of other people in sin like I used to be, I hesitate before telling them the gospel. I know Jesus loves them, but I struggle with feeling that I'm condemning them if I tell them the gospel. The Bible does say in the gospel of John that whoever doesn't believe is condemned but it seems scary to me. I struggle with feeling I'm trying to control them so I don't say anything even though according to the Bible we are to preach the gospel and baptize them in the name of the Father, Son and Holy Spirit.
I think I really struggle with God's love-what is it, what does it mean. I don't think it's just a feeling and I don't think it's words. I think it's action. I also think it's very, very patient. In 1 Cor 13, the first verse on love says "Love is patient". The first fruit of the Spirit is long-suffering.
I don't want to tell people in sin the gospel until I show them a lot of love and care and concern. Then I feel there will be an opening for the gospel and then once I preach it, to not control them but pray for them and gently lead them to sanctification of known sin.
I think ubf was mean, cruel and rough and it led to bitterness and rebellion in me. It hurt me a lot and ultimately didn't change my heart-though outwardly I did change, my heart seemed to become more bitter and more afraid than I was when I came into ubf.
