Arranged marriages pt 2 -- RSQUBF discussion forum

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Date Posted: 17:16:38 10/12/04 Tue
Author: John
Subject: Arranged marriages pt 2
In reply to: Nick T. 's message, "how did they justify this?" on 16:19:24 10/12/04 Tue

I am sorry to hear about your experience. In this way, it seems the UBF had more control over members' lives than the ICC.

In the United States, it wasn't directly arranged. What would happen is that if leadership didn't approve of your choice of boyfriend/girlfriend, they never gave permission to date the person. They would tell the people below them, who would tell the people below them, who would tell you to consider whom they thought was perfect for you. Unless you were in leadership or favored by the evangelist in a church, the suggested person was usually someone that looked exactly like you.

For example, I was about 20lbs overweight a few years ago and I liked a woman who looked nothing like me. She was a lot taller than me, she was more outgoing than me, she was very attractive. I had to chase down and hassle leaders for two years to date this woman. We had already told each other how we felt about the other. We knew that we had a romantic interest in each other, but had to wait for approval from the leaders. They had suggested that I pursue a woman who was 20lbs overweight like me, loved English Literature like me, and loved Ren Fairs and fantasy books like me. I told them that I spend enough time with myself, I would like to spend time with someone else.

When I got sick of waiting for approval, I decided to scare them. I ambushed leaders at church and begged them. I called them constantly and begged for permission. I babysat their children, I did anything. Finally, I got permission because I wore them out.

Oddly enough, we broke up six months later, but we are still very good friends.

Even if you were allowed to date someone, getting married required more approvals. In my church, all marriages were approved by the lead evangelist. If he didn't approve, you didn't get married. We had so many couples leave the church to get married and then rejoin the church in another city that many of us joked about registering at U-Haul when we got married.

I hope this helps. Our rules of marriage were completely different from the UBF. Arranged marriage took place under different circumstances, but were not very common. Basically, the two best recruiters were encouraged to date each other and get married. The two second best recruiters were encouraged to date each other and get married and so on. It didn't go down through the entire congregation, this rule applied only to leaders. Those that weren't leaders followed the rules of approval I mentioned earlier.

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Replies:

Re: how did they justify this? -- John, 17:22:36 10/12/04 Tue

Re: how did they justify this? -- Chris, 01:54:01 10/13/04 Wed