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Subject: Re: Therapy Author: AV [ Next Thread | Previous Thread | Next Message | Previous Message ] Date Posted: Sunday, June 09, 2024, 02:23: am In reply to: AV 's message, "Therapy" on Friday, June 07, 2024, 08:28: am All of this typing is therapy for me which has helped bring healing in so many ways. However, even today, if i am constipated or having a hard time having a bm, my mind and body (feelings and emotions) take me back of me sitting on the toilet and mom coming in with the bulb. In real time, im doing my best to avoid that enema by taking deep breaths, relaxing, trying to push to get something going. Back to my mental visual, mom has come in and sit the bulb and jar down and left and there I am sitting on the toilet with my thoughts. Few minutes i visually see mom come back lift me up and over her lap and reach for the bulb. In real time, i feel some movement taking place and i know only the tip of the first movement is difficult and if i can i get past that the bm will be easier and flow. In my visual, mom has given me my enema and im fighting the urges. Real time, same thing. But eventually, the bm takes over and I completely empty. The visual seemed so real and the feelings were so real as well but it helped me. [ Next Thread | Previous Thread | Next Message | Previous Message ]

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[> Subject: Re: Therapy Author: AV [ Edit | View ] Date Posted: Monday, June 10, 2024, 03:10: am One thing I vividly remember is what was going through my mind as I waited for the second bulb and the feel of the bulb tip. I knew i was going to have to take the second bulb so i knew i had to relax but not enough to release. When I would say, “hurry up I gotta I gotta go,” mom would say, “you better hold it! You better hold it, you better not release it.” I would next feel the tip. The first bulb coated me pretty good so there was no stopping it. The tip entered easily. Mom squeezed and I would feel the warm solution as it entered and agitated my bowels even more. I was ready to go so bad but mom would for a few more seconds let me lay. I would say, “let me up, i gotta go! I gotta go!” Mom would let me up, stand up, lift the lid, and go stand the sink and start cleaning up. Here is what is so strange thinking back, I would always fight the urges and hold until the urges would stop, no different now as I am sitting on the toilet. I was still fighting the urges plus concerned about the pain. Clearly the enema was working on me. I still was trying to win this enema war. I thought in my child’s mind, i would release just a little solution out and that would help with the urges. The BM was making its way and i did not want it to hurt. As I relaxed a little to let some solution out, it was coating me as well. The urge got stronger and the next minute, the baseball bat came flooding out as my legs lifted in reaction and I gripped the side of the toilet and lifted myself up. It was quick. Mom was running water and cleaning the bulb. She would look at me and say, “That wasn’t so bad was it?” [ Post a Reply to This Message ]