Frustration. -- The Middle of Nowhere

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Date Posted: 22:53:59 08/06/03 Wed
Author: Ayrist
Subject: Frustration.

An amethyst gaze watched the ground silently, her bladed tail curvinv forward to touch the soil briefly and dig forth the soft earth. She watched as various insects crawled back into the dirt as she unearthed them, but a careful nose lowered to inspect the roots of the grass. They were gone. Her tail curved back across the tops of the grass, which promptly fell over and died, as if the wheel of time had sudenly sped way beyond control. Her blade lowered, touched the brown and shrivelled grass, and promptly jerked backwards as it turned to ash.

What was this? Reality? Or some kind of horrible dream. Her blade slide once across her forearm, and she knelt to lick the blood before healing the shallow wound herself. Reality. Dyone.

The black female stood, her ears falling back against her skull as she tried to pick up the faintest trace of someone.. anyone... anything for that matter. Though the scent of her mate at this point would have provided her with something akin to calm, and yet worry. Ayrist's eyes fell to a half-lidded position, and she settled herself in a defensive crouch... her ears perked and ready, but her mind on the wander.

Akartis, was hurt, and he was changing. It wasn't so much physical hurt, but the other things. The glances Ayrist caught him giving around himself, or worse then that.. this simply depthless look to his once bright eyes, now dulled... now pained. She didn't know all of the demons that he fought, and half the time.. she simply tried to take his mind off of them. She'd laugh, she'd joke, she'd cuddle. She did the mately things.. but it was only rare occasions that she dared ask him about them. She feared hurting him. She loved him too much for that.

Ayrist paused, sighing. She wished... she wished she could be with him all the time. But cubs, and dealing with other Korats drew her away.. though she knew her mate was not a social beast. And then, when she was with him.. battles. More battles. Constant battles that he fought with himself and with the world. She coudn't help him fight these... only offer her support. And that perhaps riled her nearly as much as that which she feared the most. She feared he didn't know how much she loved him.

She did love him. She thought of him all the time. When they were apart she wouldn't sleep at night, and teras would well up for no reason... though often she flicked them away as she wanted no sympathy from those who could never understand her emotions. And why didn't she tell him? Again, she was too afraid to harm him. Too afraid of bringing pain down upon the one who looked to her for support, and guidance, and love... She was a coward in some respects. A coward when it came to causing a being that she loved to hurt.

She was a warrior. She had found her path. She had a goal in life and she was headed there... because of Akartis... But her lifemate, her soul, her other half... who was connected to her in spirit, body, and mind... he was struggling. And for once the pain of that seemingly always constant distance was hitting her again and again and she couldn't do a dyone thing about it. She'd give up her life, her loves, her dreams, her aspirations... but that wasn't what he would want her to do. He'd want her to go on... and keep heading towards her dreams... but dyone, there was no way she was leaving him.

No way in btsa.

But by the sun! Could someone give her a clue? Where did she start? How did she help? Every wording, every offer, every attempt seemed to fail. She was useless despite her talent and skill. Useless, despite her compassion and quick mind. Useless, because of distance. And useless, because despite being nearly as close and connected to her mate as she was to herself... they were different. She couldn't control his mind and say, "DYONE IT! BE HAPPY!" She couldn't give him reason to be happy either. What would she give to jump inside her mate's head and slaughter the shadows and demon's that lurked there.. jump back out and see him the way he was before btsa took over, and 'Kartis who'd been truly happy was beaten and hidden?

Dyone. Dyone. Dyone. Dyone.

Black ears flattened as a portal was formed suddenly beside her. Redan's lengthy muzzle jutted through the ovaline mass... growling once and returning to Lavana. Ayrist eyed the portal quietly... eyed the unknown world around her... and after a brief moment. Realized that she hadn't the faintest clue as to which was the appropriate way to go.

"DYONE!"

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