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Date Posted: 14:57:36 09/26/00 Tue
Author: Melanie
Subject: The Zen of Not Knowing

I am trying soooo hard to get there. I just want to be okay with things as they are. I don't want to worry about things that I have no control over.

I don't blame my doctor for the lack of diagnosis. What is he suposed to do with normal MRIs, bloodwork and Evoked Potentials? No clinical findings either....all he has to go on are my complaints.

Who do I get mad at? Oh wait, I'm not supposed to get mad....I must accept.

This whole process is just too much....and I've only just begun. My first doctor visit was five months ago and I'm already tired of the whole thing.

I can tell that people want to believe me, but it's just much easier to believe what you can see. I don't even talk to my friends about my problems anymore because I feel like a broken record. They've been great but their understanding is limited.

Then there are those who believe that my clear tests mean that I am somehow "cured". Or those who say,"Don't worry, I'm sure it's nothing!". Or "Maybe you have a vitamin defficiency", or "Maybe you pulled a muscle", or "I'll bet you're just overworked", etc., etc., etc........

I guess I haven't reached that place yet.

Melanie

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