Need Advise! -- Unplanned Pregnancy Discussions

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Subject:

Need Advise!

Author:
veronica (Extremely Sad, Confused & very angry.)

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Date Posted: 16:45:48 04/14/08 Mon

Hello,

My name is Veronica. Im a 25 year old woman with a child of 8 yrs old.
Im in a relationship of 5 months now,(FYI..this isn't my daugters father). this relationship is very different from other relationships. met my now boyfriend about a year ago or so knew he already had a girlfriend... was ok with that,, at the time i was with someone else. to make this story short... his girlfriend asked me to move into there home. she knew he had the hots for me, she aldo knew that he wanted something else besides just a friendship and she was okay with that (( funny but true)).. weeks passed, became closer to one another and finaly we began a relationship.. so now He had his 2 ladies living in the same house.. to all this my daughter knows NOTHING about this.. on her eyes and my family's eyes we're all just "roommates" ANYWAY....

We've been "of course" having unprotected sex therefor im 5 weeks pregnant now.
The resaon for this message is to get advise and some confort.
My partner isn't okay with me having this child therefor he is strongly considering an abortion. i strongly on my part, DO NOT BELIEVE in abortions. so were basicly like oil n water ((( not mixing))) & that's really affecting me alot..
we've discuss this matter numerous times up until WHEN he just got on my nevers n said OKAY IM HAVING AN ABORTION DONE. days later, weeks later i said to my self.... what did i just agreed on????
i now have second thoughts about having one done.. the only things keeping me from having this baby is the fact that #1. he will no longer be with me if i decide to keep this baby, #2. i will have to explain to my daughter that im pergnant by someone that she knows is with someone else and also have a baby by him..
#3 explain this WHOLE situation to my family.

im soooo confused, don't know what to do..
i see him playing with his almost year old daughter n it really hurts to see that he loves her but yet i can't have one...

what to do!!!?

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Replies:

[> Subject: Re: Need Advise!

Author:
Kris
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Date Posted: 18:20:48 04/14/08 Mon

Dear Veronica,

You ask, "what to do!!!?" My answer is follow your heart and do what's best for YOU - not the guy. Of course he doesn't want to have another baby - that means he has to be responsible for the child financially, etc.

If you click over to the Post Abortion support board:

http://www.voy.com/129741/

and read through the posts, you will see how an abortion can deeply affect a woman, especially if you do not want to have one to begin with.

There are many resources available to help you - please contact a pregnancy center near you at this site:

http://www.optionline.org/advantage.asp

Don't worry about what anyone thinks about the situation. Hollywood actresses are in this same situation all the time, there's just not that big a stigma attached to it all anymore. Plus, all that goes away once a beautiful baby is there.

I would suggest that you move away from this couple, surround yourself with friends that are supportive, and focus on you, the baby you carry and your daughter.

We're here to help if you need anything - just email me - or post updates.

Hang in there....

Hugs,
Kris

[> Subject: Re: Need Advise!

Author:
Pat
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Date Posted: 18:33:25 04/14/08 Mon

Hi, Veronica,

I'm just going to ask you, why are you even WITH this man? He's two-timing you, using you for personal gratification. You deserve better! I'd leave him immediately if I were you. And don't let him persuade you to harm yourself and your baby. Your baby doesn't deserve a father who thinks he or she should be torn apart and killed.

Please cancel your appointment. The mere fact he asked you to harm your baby means he isn't fit for you to have anything to do with. You don't want this abortion. Don't have it!

There's nothing confusing about this. You have bonded with him because that's what happens when you have sex with someone. But like I said, you deserve better. He's not fit for you. The sooner you break it off with him, the less pain you will have in the long run.

Telling your daughter and your family won't be easy. I think I'd tell everyone as little as you can get away with. Tell them you're pregnant and you will have the child. I don't see that you are under any obligation to talk about the "father".

Be strong. Don't cave into this man who wants to harm the two of you. Don't let him badger you either. Cut all ties with him. Don't talk to him. Don't have anything to do with him. Tell him that you are breaking it up, and you want nothing further to do with him. When he's no longer messing with your head, you will be able to think more clearly.

Please email Kris, and tell her to give me your email address. I'll email you so we can keep in touch. You are probably going to need some support. I want to provide that to you. Feel free to contact me any time. I don't come to this board that often, so I might miss your replies, and I don't want to do that.

Hugs,
Pat

[> Subject: Re: Need Advise!

Author:
Pat
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Date Posted: 18:59:52 04/14/08 Mon

Veronica, it's me again. Voy wouldn't let me edit my message to you. :(

Here's what I'd tell your daughter. Tell her that the man abused you emotionally, and that's why you won't be together anymore. You can tell your family the same thing. You can also tell them you don't want to talk about the father of your child. You made a mistake, but now you are going to do the right thing.

I know you don't want him to leave you. But if you have an abortion, you won't want to stay with him, because he made you go against your convictions. I can't think of anything more abusive than demanding you do that.

Be careful. You don't know what he'll do. That's one reason I'd stay away from him. Tell him you don't want him in your life, so he has nothing to worry about.

Sorry I came on so strong, but I just feel that you need to take the bull by the horns here. I also wouldn't trust him around my daughter if I were in your position! Given the way he is acting, I wouldn't trust him as far as I could spit.

Like I said, having sex with someone causes bonding. That will be the hardest part. But you deserve someone who will cherish you and all your children, and you won't be free to meet that person as long as you are entangled with this loser.

Hugs,
Pat