Subject:  dont kno what to do.................. |
Author:
Khan
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Date Posted: 22:18:30 11/15/02 Fri
Author Host/IP: pcp239895pcs.elictc01.md.comcast.net/68.55.245.225
Asalamualaikum Wa Rahmatullahi Wa Barakatu
I come from a very confusing family. I was raised in USA all my life. I am 20 years old. I have a little sister who is now 18 that was raised here too.
When we grew up here in usa my sister got mixed up with the wrong group of friends. She was 14 when she started to have a boyfriend. My parents told me to watch her and so I did. I protected her from the guy and tried to avoid him from coming near her. I even talked to my sister in a nice manner, why is she doing this? She would just give me bad looks and blackmale me with false information to my parents that I have done something bad like have a girl friend or something. To this day I never dated, had a girlfriend, touched any girl, etc. My parents actually believed her and started to disbelieve me when I told my parents my sister is dating. They told me that I was the bad guy and I will be sent back to my country if I did anything bad again. However, I never did anything, it was my sister who was giving my parents false lies just to protect herself. So one day, I came across proof of what my sister was doing. I showed all my family members and told them my parents did not believe me and they treated me like the bad person. My parents then stopped talking to me because they said I caused them shame in front of other family members. I was hurt and shocked. They started speaking to me again months afterwerds. Even though they knew what my sister did they still give her more respect then me. I dont get it. I did what they asked me to do and protect my sister, I stayed clean as a Muslim should but yet they still disliked me more. And the strange part is my mom started giving my sister support about her boyfriend. I was shocked and confused, they told me never to hang out with the opposite sex and now I hear this.
Then about a year ago, one of my dad's friends came to visit our home with his two daugthers. I have never met them before. My father and my dad's friend told me to get their email addresses (the daughters). I had a hard time doing that because I was so shy to be infront of them or to talk to them. I had my head down because I could not even look at them. But after my dad constantly telling me I went and got their email addresses. I was not attracted to them at all at the time. So, I started talking to them online, even online I was afraid to talk to them thinking I am doing a major sin. After talking to them, I found out they were very religious and had a lot of knowledge about Islam. I started getting attached to one of them because of that. I talked to her for about 3 hours a day on average everyday since last year. First it was just chat, then I talked to her on phone, then next thing you know I sent her gifts. I dont know what I did was wrong or what, I am really confused. I did not flirt with her, I talked about Islam with her,her knowledge of Islam and desire to learn Islam more, made me like her even more. One day my sister found out how much I talked to her and what I have done. She told my parents of what I did. My parents did not want to speak to me again. They told me to get lost and I was really confused and upset. I dont know what I did. Her mom also knew I talked with her and my parents also knew. But when my sister told everyone in the family they got upset with me. This is the first girl I ever really socialized with, I never ever talked to a girl before like this. I kept clean to everything. My whole family cursed me, they even cursed the girl. The girl told me she did not want to have my family say stuff about her in a bad way. My family did, my sister did. So, i protected that girl by arguing with my sister and my family. I just did not want anyone talking about that girl in a bad way. She did nothing at all and people were making up bad stories about her.
Then all arguing did was get me into more trouble, my family totally ignored me. I really like that girl, I dont know what to do. When she is sad, I am sad. It's really weird. I have never felt this way before. I dont even remember how she looked like a year ago when I saw her, I like her because her knowledge of Islam, her desire to learn Islam, and her personality. I have never even met up with her or anything. Only on the internet and on phone i talked to her. Yet, my younger sister has met up with her boyfriend and everything but my parents were supportive of that. I dont know what I am doing.
I am really confused. How would and could I ever let my parents know if I like a girl. It seems they think whatever i do is wrong. They want to arrange it all for me. I do not want an arranged marraige. I am in a lot of stress and tension, I cant think straight either. What can I do in this situation? I am really really lost....
Please, if you can email me some advice, that would be great. Thank you.
Jazakallah
Asalamualaikum
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