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Subject: Forced Marriage

Author:
someone

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Date Posted: 14:19:35 10/11/02 Fri
Author Host/IP: inktomi3-man.server.ntl.com/62.252.192.6

Salaam...
I'm 21, hijabi, living in New York, working at a reputable software company and finishing up college in May. My father doesn't live here and hasn't been supporting my financials, and everything that I've wanted in order to complete my education. I have worked ever since the age of 17 to pull myself through college and make myself a "somebody" and achieve something in life.

Obviously, living in a country like the US, and working .. has opened my eyes to a whole new world. I am still obedient to my parents and listen to whatever they say but there are certain things that agitate me and it's not in my plate to handle it.

I had always agreed that I would marry whomever my parents choose. However, I also said; I would not marry someone for his money ... I would want to marry someone who is a loving human being and will encourage my hijab and want me to learn and educate myself ..

Back in February, a proposal came from a guy who had recently come from Pakistan and he was taking his Kaplan and all the necessary exams to become a Dr. He successfully passed, proposed and I just didn't like him at first sight. Neither did my mother. I tried giving him another chance, however, my heart wasn't ready to commit .. maybe, commit with HIM? I'm not ready ... However, I went to Pakistan over the summer and got engaged...not happy..miserable. Though my parnts say that I decieved them by being happy..How could one not be hapy when he/she gets all the attention?

I came back..and neverspoke to my fiance. That lit the fire and he called one night and got angry and yelled at me. I got scared and petrified..ddin't want to talk to him. He apolgized via e-card...i didn't respond b/c I didnt want this happening to me and I just ignored it.

I failed, I cried, I was miserable everywhere...I just want to know..that doI have a right to not marry him b/c I dont' like him..I dont know what I dont like about him..I just can't

Please help.

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[> Subject: Re: Forced Marriage

Author:
Moustafa Morsy
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Date Posted: 05:00:06 10/12/02 Sat
Author Host/IP: mt.24.171.69.29.charter-stl.com/24.171.69.29

YOU have the right not to marry any one which you do not like,and this was approved by the massenger of Allah ( S. A .A .W ).Neither the father nor anyone other than the father may force a woman who is under his guardianship to marry a man that she does not want to mary. In fact, her permission must be sought. The Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him) said, "The non-virgin [without a husband] must not be married until she is consulted. A virgin must not be married until her permission is sought." They said, "O Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him) how is her permission given?" He said, "By her being silent." Another narration states, "Her silence is her permission." Yet a third narration states, "A virgin's father seeks her permission and her permission is her remaining silent."
The father must seek her permission if she is nine years of age or above. Similarly, her other guardians may not marry her off except by her permission. This is obligatory upon all of them. If one is married without permission, then the marriage is not valid.
This is because one of the conditions of the marriage is that both partners accept the marriage. If she is married without her permission, by threat or coercion, then the marriage is not valid.

Allah Knows Best.
Moustafa Morsy