Author:
Laila Nasheeba
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Date Posted: 06:06:39 08/27/02 Tue
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As Salaamu Alaikoum,
Praise be to Allah.
This is why the prophet(saw) has told us to be careful when choosing mates and take the time to first see if the person has deen above anything else.
Why do you think you are having doubts about this man when you say he looks at other women and things? What do you doubt? If he is looking at other women then he is not adhereing to the laws of Islam for such a thing is prohibited and he needs to fear Allah. You need to remind him of what Allah says about not lowering the gaze:
Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):
“Tell the believing men to lower their gaze (from looking at forbidden things), and protect their private parts (from illegal sexual acts)”
[al-Noor 24:30]
Imaam Ibn Katheer said:
This is a command from Allaah to His believing slaves to lower their gaze and refrain from looking at that which is forbidden to them. So they should not look at anything except that which they are permitted to look at, and they should lower their gaze and refrain from looking at forbidden things. If it so happens that a person’s gaze accidentally falls upon something forbidden, he should quickly avert his gaze.
Tafseer Ibn Katheer, 3/282
2 – Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):
“And when you ask (his wives) for anything you want, ask them from behind a screen, that is purer for your hearts and for their hearts”
[al-Ahzaab 33:53]
3 – It was narrated that Jareer ibn ‘Abd-Allaah said: “I asked the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) about a sudden glance, and he commanded me to avert my gaze.”
(Narrated by Muslim, 2159)
al-Nawawi said:
What is meant by a “sudden glance” is when a person’s glance unintentionally falls upon a non-mahram woman. There is no sin on him for the first glance, but he must avert his gaze immediately. If he averts his gaze immediately there is no sin on him, but if he continues looking, then he will be a sinner, because of this hadeeth, for the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) commanded him to avert his gaze, and Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):
“Tell the believing men to lower their gaze (from looking at forbidden things)”
[al-Noor 24:30]
Men must lower their gaze and refrain from looking at them in all circumstances, unless that is for a valid shar’i reason, such as giving testimony, medical treatment, wanting to propose marriage, buying a slave woman, engaging in financial transactions such as buying and selling, etc. In all these cases it is permissible to look as much as is needed, and no more.
If your husband claims to have a problem with lowering his gaze then here are some things he can do to stop this.
Bearing in mind the fact that Allaah is watching you, that He sees you and is with you (by His knowledge) wherever you go. It may be a secretive glance of which your neighbour is unaware, but Allaah knows of it. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):
“Allaah knows the fraud of the eyes, and all that the hearts conceal”
[Ghaafir 40:19]
He should seek the help of Allaah, beseeching Him and calling upon Him (du’aa’). Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):
“And your Lord said: Invoke Me [i.e. believe in My Oneness (Islamic Monotheism) and ask Me for anything] I will respond to your (invocation).”
[Ghaafir 40:60]
He should know that every blessing he enjoys comes from Allaah, and requires that he should give thanks. Part of the gratitude for the blessing of sight means that he should protect it from looking at that which Allaah has forbidden. Is there any reward for good, other than good? [cf. al-Rahmaan 55:60] Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):
“And whatever of blessings and good things you have, it is from Allaah”
[al-Nahl 16:53]
He shouldm strive with his self and training himself to lower his gaze and be patient in doing so, and not giving up. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning:
“As for those who strive hard in Us (Our Cause), We will surely guide them to Our paths (i.e. Allaah’s religion — Islamic Monotheism)”
[al-‘Ankaboot 29:69]
The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Whoever seeks to be chaste, Allaah will make him chaste, and whoever seeks to be independent of means, Allaah will make him independent of means, and whoever strives to be patient, Allaah will make him patient…” (Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 1400)
He should avoid where a person feels he will be exposed to the temptation of looking, if he can manage to avoid them, such as going to marketplaces or malls, and sitting in the street. The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Beware of sitting in the street.” They said, “We have no alternative; that is where we sit and talk.” He said, “If you insist on sitting there, then give the street its rights.” They said, “What are the rights of the street?” He said, “Lowering the gaze and refraining from causing offence…” (Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 2333; Muslim, 2121).
He should should realize that he has no choice in this matter, regardless of what the circumstances are and no matter how great the temptation or motive to do evil, and no matter what emotions and overwhelming desires stir in your heart. You must lower your gaze and refrain from looking at haraam things in all places and at all times. You cannot use excuses such as the environment being corrupt or justify your mistakes by saying that there is a lot of temptation around. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):
“It is not for a believer, man or woman, when Allaah and His Messenger have decreed a matter that they should have any option in their decision. And whoever disobeys Allaah and His Messenger, he has indeed strayed into a plain error”
[al-Ahzaab 33:36]
He must do a lot of naafil acts of worship, because doing a lot of them whilst also regularly doing obligatory acts of worship is a means of protecting one's physical faculties. According to a hadeeth qudsi, Allaah said: “… and My slave continues to draw close to Me with supererogatory (naafil) works so that I shall love him. And when I love him, I am his hearing with which he hears, his seeing with which he sees, his hand with which he strikes and his foot with which he walks. Were he to ask (something) of Me, I would surely give it to him, and were he to ask Me for refuge, I would surely grant him it.” (al-Bukhaari, 6137 )
He should remember that the earth on which sin is committed will bear witness. Allaah says:
“That Day it will declare its information (about all that happened over it of good or evil)”
[al-Zalzalah 99:4]
He should
the angels who are recording your deeds. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):
“But verily, over you (are appointed angels in charge of mankind) to watch you,
Kiraaman (Honourable) Kaatibeen —writing down (your deeds),
They know all that you do”
[al-Infitaar 82:10-12]
“Tell the believing men to lower their gaze (from looking at forbidden things)”
[al-Noor 24:30]
He should avoid looking unnecessarily, so that you only look at what you need to look at, and you do not let your gaze wander right and left so that it falls upon something the effects and fitnah of which cannot be got rid of quickly.
He should do obligatory acts of worship as Allaah has commanded, such as prayer. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):
“Verily, As‑Salaah (the prayer) prevents from Al‑Fahshaa’ (i.e. great sins of every kind, unlawful sexual intercourse) and Al‑Munkar (i.e. disbelief, polytheism, and every kind of evil wicked deed)”
[al-‘Ankaboot 29:45]
[Adapted from an essay entitled Ghadd al-Basr (Lowering the Gaze) by a student of sharee’ah.]
These things will only work if he is a man who fears Allah. Tell your husband these things and then tell him to fear Allah and stay away from the shaytaan. If he refuses to listen, then you may have another problem to contend with and should seek counsel from an Imam..
AND ALLAH KNOWS BEST
Laila Nasheeba
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