| Subject: How fast things change |
Author:
Cricket
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Date Posted: 15:22:55 03/19/03 Wed
How quickly things change. You would think by now, I had learned that lesson many times, but it always comes as a shock to me when it happens. I suppose its not as much of a shock, as it is it just sneaks up on me every time. I know its coming, I even expect it..but I am never quite prepared.
So be it. Things change, as do I.
Majidah has been gone now so long, I dont expect her back. Oh, one of these days she'll pop up Im sure, wondering why I am mad at her. Gods knows, Ive run off on her more than once. We will find each other again one day, I am sure, but until then, I miss the womans company. She always was the best. I worry for her as well, because I know her health was not good. Knowing Faizah as I do, Id say she's off trying to heal herself. Probably with some stinking poultice or mud bath. She is strong though..always has been, and I have faith Ill see her one day again.
I cannot say the same for my new girl. T'vesra took off only a few days after we got here. I wish I could say I am angry, and in some ways I am. Perhaps I just do not have the energy for the rage anymore. Whatever it is, I just feel rather sad at having to accept that I cannot find another to care for Trevor the way Indigo did.
Im having to do it myself, and I am lost. Trevor and I have great fun playing games. We do so almost every moment of the day..but some things he does, and says, and asks me..I simply have no words for. I cannot tell him why the sky is blue, nor why he has to go to bed, or why Indigo does not come and see him. I do not know what to say to him, when he asks me who his father is, or where he was born, or what I was like when I was little like him. He asks questions constantly, and I have no answers.
I suppose my cooking is distraction to him..I have to say that he has taught me more than I might have ever learned on my own. We have the cookies down I think, if we could just get them out of the oven before they burn. We did get one good batch, even though they were black on the bottoms.
We make do on what I can cook without burning, and besides the scorch mark on the hearth, I havent burned down the kitchen yet.
There is constantly something to do. Keln is not here to cut wood, nor help in the kitchen. Indigo is not here to bathe Trevor, or clean the house or wash the clothes. Most of the time Trevor goes without a bath, I see no harm in it, and our clothes are ones we have worn for days. The cottage looks as though a brawl has taken place in it, but Trevor and I like the mess, and last night, slept in a pile of fur and pillow before the fire. I bought him that pony he wanted, so now he wishes to spend nearly every hour riding or in the barn. I am glad the weather grows warmer.
We have ridden into town a couple of times..and though I have thought about stopping and letting him see Indigo, I have not done so. Perhaps its better that way.
I dont know where Keln is..at his temple I suppose, or off on some crusade. Left to ourselves, Trevor and I have little care for the norm in things, and do what we like, when we like. I have thought about putting a garden in...yet I hesitate. It has been years since such has even occurred to me. I recall the garden at Ciros cabin. Those were short lived days..but I had enjoyed it I think. I loved the dirt in my hands and the way things grew. Bah..I ramble on, but I suppose that is what this journal is for. Nothing but rambling.
~Cricket~
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