Re: First pregnancy -- Unplanned Pregnancy Advice Board

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Subject: Re: First pregnancy

Author:
luka

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Date Posted: 07/19/06 8:42pm
In reply to: Jacqueline 's message, "Re: First pregnancy" on 07/19/06 5:21pm

I feel so much for you when i read about how you felt being in the doctors office. Wanting to scream. Far out. But you keep telling yourself that Dom is the best boyfriend you have ever had. Why are you clinging to him? You seem more for him than your baby. I am confused a little. I know he's rubbing your back ect but that's because he wants you to have an abortion. I am not saying he's a bad person or that he doesn't care for you to some degree..I believe he does what he does and feels what he feels out of ignorance, and so do you. But you're willing to go along with that even though you know better. You are trying to shut down your feelings and just shut down in general in order to do this. I just can't wrap my head around the idea that you should have to do that for anyone much less someone who's supposed to love you. I have SO much sympathy for you i feel like crying when i read how trapped you feel. The defeated lay down and die feeling that goes along with going against yourself for someone else. You are looking at Dom looking at all the reasons he is worth it to try to make the abortion seem like the right thing. Trying to convince yourself it's for the best. It's incredibly sad. I see two deaths in this scenario not just your babys but partly your own. The erosion that comes from doing something so feel strongly about not doing. It's not just whether or not to move or change jobs either it's your baby. It has a huge amount of gravity. This baby is a part of you (and dom) that you're about to kill off. I don't know what 2 things are more sacred than your baby and your will/ maternal instincts. Both washed away with one act. This is incredibly sad to read. I hope something happens to make it all better for you and your baby. You have my deepest sympathy. I wish i was there to give you a hug :(

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[> [> [> [> [> Subject: Re: First pregnancy

Author:
Rachel
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Date Posted: 07/20/06 11:44am

I think you need to ask yourself (and Dom)- why doesn't Dom want this child? The answer may be because he doesn't feel he cares enough about you to be in that committed of a relationship. if so, then you need to look again at your decision if you are basing it on saving your relationship with a man who doesn't want a future with you anyhow. does this make sense? i am saying this because if you have the abortion and also later lose the relationship, i'd hate to see you regretting making the choice for the guy's sake.

now, if he doesn't want the child because of other reasons, but wants to later have children with you - you both may want to do some preliminary figuring on paper - pros and cons - rather than just making a knee-jerk decision because of the fears you have. my son was an unplanned pregnancy and believe you me i had a laundry list of fears, but they all worked themselves out somehow. I even went to a clinic to have the procedure done but walked out because in the waiting room i read an article by a woman who had two troubled parents who didn't have alot of money but in the end she was thankful her life turned out just the way it did. I walked outside and imediately a reassuring voice came into my head and said "God blesses mothers and children. don't give up on God."
That is something I will alwasy remember and do firmly believe is true.

good luck to you whatever you decide.

[> [> [> [> [> [> Subject: Rachel :)

Author:
Luka
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Date Posted: 07/20/06 4:54pm

Can i ask what how the people at the 'clinic' reacted when you turned around and changed your mind? The last time i booked myself in for a termination i never made it to the clinic i just called to cancel at the last minnute. The woman on the other end of the phone was really annoyed with me. She gave me a mouthful for cancelling late talking about if i had called sooner she could have fit another woman in that day because it was a weekend apparently they got alot of bookings from women who worked during the week and could only do it on a saturday. I couldn't beleive how insensitive she was, it's not like i was getting my hair cut for gods sake. But i guess to that woman it's only business and time is money :(

[> [> [> [> [> [> [> Subject: Re: Rachel :)
Author: Rachel [ Edit \| View ]	Date Posted: 07/21/06 5:29am Luka, I didn't tell anyone I was leaving! I am sure they were mad. With this latest pregnancy (my daughter) I made the appt. again, and didn't even call to cancel. Maybe we could be an army against abortion by all of us calling in and making appts we don't keep! lol.