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Wednesday, April 15, 12:42:01

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Subject: repost Author: shelby (confused) [ Next Thread | Previous Thread | Next Message | Previous Message ] Date Posted: 08/ 8/06 9:47am hi everyone, Thank you soo much for your help i really apperciate it. To answer some of you questions. Pat, yes i do know who the father is he's my own dad and thats why one reason i worry about having this baby is because of that. I don't want to have an abortion i have always been againest it but i don't know how i will beable to care for this child with going into 9th grade, taking care of my horses and working. I dont see any time to care for he/she. Luka, no i dont have a very good relationship with my parents my mom will freak out if i tell her that i am pregnant, she will blame me for what happened not my rapist. I feel like i'm the one to fault that if i have this baby that he/she will never beable to have what i wanted to give. Nobody but myself and this place knows that i am pregnant. yes i do feel alot toward my baby, i do feel love and like i have to protect him/her but then i also feel like i cant get attached that i can't love he/she b/c of how this baby was brought up and i also fear that if i have he/she that it will be taken away from me. by the way im in colorado. One thing that i know i will have to give up is my horses, i have two beautiful boys that are like my own childeran my oldest is 4years old and his name is chance i've had him sence he was 1 and had a very hard start my youngest is a year and 3 months old his names kowboy and my baby. Why did this have to happen to me? why did God choose me?Did i do something that bad? all i ever wanted was to be in the rodeos be with my horses and win some shows once in a while, but i have no future anymore. what r my friends going to think. i jsut wish this would all end. [ Next Thread | Previous Thread | Next Message | Previous Message ]

Replies:

[> Subject: Re: repost Author: Heather [ Edit | View ] Date Posted: 08/ 8/06 6:20pm Hi Shelby, I don't know if I'm sorry for the fact that the one who raped you is your dad, or if you don't feel you can go to your mom. Big hugs for you, dear. The third option I see is for you to call your Crisis Pregnancy Center. If you tell them that you are a minor, a victim of incest, and can't talk to your parents THEY WILL FIND A WAY TO HELP you. There are representatives who can take over your case and shield you at the same time. There's no reason why you should be left to deal with this alone - you've been through enough. Another option would be to confide in a trusted friend or relative that can help you. Please don't delay - you should have the support you need ASAP. Regarding your baby, you do have choices. None are easy, but you aren't alone, or trapped into any one choice. You can decide. If you decide to keep your baby, it's not destined for failure by any means. You can utilize a lot of help out there and make it if you're willing to seek out the help. Otherwise, you can consider the joy you would bring a couple that isn't able to have children by placing your baby with them. This is not anyone taking your baby, by any means. It's a beautiful, responsible choice on your end that will result in a win/win situation for your baby and the parents who adopt him/her. Something encouraging to look at is the statistics of how much less child abuse there is in families where a child is adopted - due in part I'm sure to them realizing in a special way what a treasure their child is as a gift to them. At any rate, we are behind you 100%. Please let us know in any way that we can help you. Love, Heather

[> Subject: Re: repost Author: Pat [ Edit | View ] Date Posted: 08/ 8/06 9:58pm Shelby, I am so sorry your dad has done this to you! I urge you, along with Heather, to go to a crisis pregnancy agency. Like I said, you can get online counseling. Probably the best thing is for you to stay temporarily someplace else and have your baby, and then you can decide what to do at that point. I suspect a crisis pregnancy agency can arrange for someone to care for your horses, though it would be a highly unusual request. I personally know a woman who would probably help out, but she lives in Arizona, not Colorado, and she has empty horse stalls. So I am sure there are people out there. I wouldn't be surprised if your parents gang up on you and try to force you to have an abortion. That's why it is SO IMPORTANT for you to get support now before you talk to them. As for not having a future, of course you have one. As soon as your baby is born, you can go back to caring for your horses, and I know your baby will love them. Go ahead and plan for your future; do not be afraid. You can do it. There are people who will help you. Just set your mind to it. It will be a challenge, but you will be the stronger for it. I don't know why God gave you a child. We often don't know that sort of thing for a very long time. As for your friends, they're not really friends, if they would abandon you at a time like this. It is one way to find out who your true friends are. There are people who will stick by you. They are your true friends. And we will also be your friends. I wish I could come give you a hug, but a cyber hug will have to do. Maybe sometime we can meet each other. But for now, we will just have to be friends here. Please continue to come here and talk to us. We care about you both. Hugs, Pat

[> Subject: Re: repost Author: Sharon [ Edit | View ] Date Posted: 08/ 8/06 10:03pm Shelby, I'm sorry for all you're going through right now. Has your father been abusing you for a long time or was this the first time? You certainly don't have to answer that, but I just want you to know that NOTHING you could have possibly done excuses what he did to you. Sometimes victims of incest feel responsible for the assault - as if they were somehow seductive in some manner and that caused the man to rape them. But he is your father: he should NEVER make sexual advances to you. It's HIS fault completely and absolutely. Don't ever forget that. I totally agree with the advice that you contact a crisis pregnancy center (and I agree with Pat's advice that you look for a life-affirming one rather than one that performs abortions. Otherwise they will likely lean on you very heavily to have an abortion.) I would look into open adoptions. I didn't realize how common they are until recently. It turns out that MOST adoptions these days are open ones! They can be open in varying degrees: maybe the mother simply knows the adoptive parents, or maybe the mother actually has regular visit with the child and his or her adoptive parents. It's amazing the gift that a birth mother gives to a family that has tried and tried to conceive but has been unsuccessful. It is such an act of triumph and sacrifice on the part of the birth mother - such an incredibly loving act. And it is truly appreciated in the deepest possible way by the adoptive parents. I will say a prayer for you. Sharon

[> Subject: Re: repost Author: Melanie [ Edit | View ] Date Posted: 08/ 9/06 2:34am Hi Shelby, I am very sorry that you are having to go through so much. I agree with the others about seeking outside help. I wish I could tell you that none of your fears will come to pass. However, if it happened once and you do nothing, it could happen again. Sometimes the pregnancy stops it for a while...sometimes. But if you stay in the same situation it won't be a good thing either, will it? I can assure you that God is NOT punishing you. Maybe he allowed this so the awful thing that was done would come to light. Would it be better to let it go on for years? Heaven forbid!!! I hope and pray there will still be a way for you to work with horses. It is not out of the realm of possibility, but you need some help now. I haven't checked yet to see if all of these numbers are current, but here are two listings for CO. If you want me to contact any of them ahead for you, just let me know. If there is a maternity home that takes minors, then that might also be an option for you. http://www.rmfc.org/cpclist.html http://www.lifecall.org/cpc/co.html Hang in there and don't give up. If you didn't have the baby, then it doesn't mean things will go back to normal anyway, so don't go it alone. If I can do anything to help, I will. --Melanie

[> Subject: Re: repost Author: luka [ Edit | View ] Date Posted: 08/10/06 12:43am I can totally understand where you are comming from about your horses. I am an animal lover also and my animals are my babies too :) It's a gift to care that much for an animal you are indeed a special person. I think there should be some way of having your horses cared for maybey Pat can help you to follow up on that or find some kind person who would be willing to help you care for them temporarily. I would maybe look into if there are any horse rescue people out your way. Often people involved in animal rescue voluntarily care for animals because they geniunely care for them. Your cause is very much a worthy one. I think it's important for you to be able to keep them because they make you feel happy and give you unconditional love. The fact that your father got you pregnant is horrendous. I can only imagine how messed up you must feel. I have to say the fact that your mother would be angry at you for such a thing makes me ill and very angry. You sound quite mature for your age i'm really impressed with your abilty to express yourself. I wish i could tell you what you should do but i don't believe i can. Alot of others will try to say do this or do that especially your parents or certain biased counsellors but it really is your decision -i can't stress that enough. Even if you are bullied into deciding one way or another the decision is still ultimately yours. If you regret either decision it's still your responsibilty- you need to be able to live with whatever you decide. Listen to your heart. Trust yourself. Obviously most people would hear that your father got you pregnant and say have an abortion! Others who see your baby simply as an innocent life and are dead against abortion will say keep it, keep it! I think that the last thing you need right now is pressure. I am not going to try to sway you with my personal beliefs they are mine and you need to workout what yours are. Right or wrong we are all just learning as we go. Better to make your own choices for better or worse than regret a decision that wasn't really yours to begin with you know? You need compassion and you need time, space and support to figure out what it is that you feel is right. Having an abortion won't change the fact that your father raped you or the fact that your mother will not protect you from such a monstrous act by one of the people in the world who are suposed to love and protect you unconditionally. Having an abortion won't stop this from happening again either. It won't change much except that you won't be pregnant any more. Having your baby may very well stop your father from continuing to posion your world and steal your innocence. Who knows if he has done this to any othner young girls as well, i shudder to think. If it came to light believe me you will be empowered and free of the burden and guilt that goes along with having to hide such an atrocious reality. None of this should be yours to bear it's absolutely not fair! If any part of you feels love towards your baby it's a feeling that needs to be explored before you jump the gun and have an abortion. I am sure that there are other women in your situation that have had their babies and i think you may even be able to find some stories online about them. It would be helpful for you to be able to see a few exapmles of what it may be like for you to keep your baby. Obviously there are going to be alot of people who think you shouldn't keep your baby, you need to be prepared for that. It doesn't make them right though. If you feel that you just cannot bear the thought of having your baby and either keeping or having your baby adopted then you need to explore those reasons too. Just remember though. While of course it would be much much better for you not to be pregnant in the first place- Abortion doesn't erase the fact that you are or were. Alot of women myself inculded (with a past abortion) sort of feel like once they terminate a pregnancy then it all just goes back to normal like nothing happened. But thats not the reality and unfortunately those women only realise this after the fact and then it's too late to change.In any case your normal isn't normal anyway. Girl you need to get out of that situation no matter what! Your father has no right to call himself a parent. I wish i lived closer i swear if i did i would be right there with you helping out in any way that i can. I am praying that one the other ladies on here lives close enough to you. I think you really need someone by your side right now. Please continue to let us know how you're going ok?

[> Subject: Re: repost Author: luka [ Edit | View ] Date Posted: 08/11/06 1:20am One other thing..If you decide to have an abortion (horrible as this sounds) i think it's imperative that you have the remains of your child DNA tested to prove that your baby was fathered by your father. Even if you're not ready to report it now you may well be in the future. I know i didn't report the sexual abuse i suffered as a child untill years later. I know from experience that your feelings about reporting this are likely to change as you become older-that is if you don't want to now. I would have been glad to have had some physical evidence when i took my case to court. It's very difficult to argue with DNA proof.