Re: i've decided -- Unplanned Pregnancy Advice Board

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Subject: Re: i've decided

Author:
shelby

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Date Posted: 08/20/06 2:05pm
In reply to: shelby 's message, "Re: i've decided" on 08/18/06 10:18pm

i dont get it..Why does everyone think my dads going to hurt my baby or me, he told me he'd never hurt me that he loves me and i will always be his baby girl. why would he hurt me if he loves me? Luka, truly me getting pregnant and all of it is my fault no matter what anyone says. And i know that my dad never hurt my sister b/c my sister and brother have a differant dad from me and im 7 years younger. Then my dad left when he found out i was going to be born and didnt come back till my sister was 14 like me and i was 7 that when it started, and he always told me this is how dads show there little girls love, even tho it hurt i still did it, for 7 years ive been doing it for him never complaining never fighting back and that my fault but i cant do anything elsa about the past. My family isnt even a family to me and they never have been both my parents drink way to much my sister left at the age of 15 never came back till this past year and my brother drinks alot to. And personally to me all of it was my fault i screwed my family up and i cant do it again after the first time... I'm sorry i wasted your time i really am i just didnt know where elsa to turn

shelby

P.s if u need to get a hold of me just email me

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[> [> [> [> Subject: Re: i've decided

Author:
luka
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Date Posted: 08/21/06 5:52pm

Well all i can say is that when you have your baby hopefully you will realise what it truely means to be a parent and know that you wouldn't ever dream of doing such a thing to your own child. Then you will see how wrong you are about any of this being your fault Shelby or whoever you are. You will see that your father was wrong. For starters it is against the law what he did to you. Even if hypothetically you stripped naked and begged him to sleep with you it doesn't matter that stuff should never happen you are a minor and this is your father! There is a reason why this kind of thing is illegal why a girl of your age is not permitted to have sex with anyone let alone your father. I think you know this deep down. I understand that kind of denial i really do. It's quite common with anyone who has been abused. In one sense there is more hope for you to be able to blambe yourself. That way you can see things getting better if you change somehow. The reality that your father molested you and got you pregnant and how undeniably wrong and sickening that is paints a very grim picture, one that no body in their right mind wishes to feel about the world. It says to you that the world can be an arbitrary place where not even the ones who created you are worthy of your trust and that they have abused you. So beter to just blambe yourself ? No! not at all, that is a victims mentallity that will only ensure that you are abused again and again which is good for the person abusing you. If even you blambe yourself then they don't have to feel responsible for what they have done. This is not an attack this is just one woman trying to help another to get out of a bad situation. And if your father reacts badly to the news will you blame yourself for that too? I can only tell you what i see and try to help. Emailing you privately wouldn't change what i would say either so it seems pointless to do so. I hope you are able to have some type of counselling so that you can move on from all the abuse. I wish you all the best.

[> [> [> [> Subject: Re: i've decided

Author:
Heather
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Date Posted: 08/24/06 10:40pm

Hi Shelby,

Well I think you have enough on your plate right now in adjusting to the news that you are pregnant. I commend you for eschewing abortion and honoring the life of a new human being. I will be praying for you.

My thoughts still run along the lines that it would be a very good thing to tell your sister, and maybe ask if you can live with her for awhile? If not her, then another trusted relative. Once you let someone else in on your world, you will be surprised how much support will surface for you, I'll bet.

As for not ruining your family, dear Shelby that is not up to you. You are not responsible for your father or your mother or the family unit staying together or happy. You are responsible only for what is in front of you. It may be uncomfortable to put things in the lights, but setting a broken bone is uncomfortable, too. Once it's done, though, healing can take place properly. If you leave a setting and cast off a broken bone you escape the uncomfortableness of that treatment, but the bone can't heal.

Regardless, one day at a time for you dearest. You're doing a great job so far just coping. Please know the door is wide open here for you to post as often/freely as you like.

With Kindness,

Heather